Are You Carrying Shame?

I felt called to get vulnerable and share more details of my past, laden with shame and guilt from choices made under the heavy gaze of societal norms, I've journeyed through the trials of multiple marriages, the heartbreak of divorce, and the relentless pursuit of self-worth. This episode peels back the layers of these emotions, as I open up about the intricate dance of self-abandonment and the constant strive to fulfill others' expectations. It's a raw look at the toll these experiences can take and an invitation to join me in shedding these burdens to reclaim the life we each deserve.

As we navigate the complexities of forging a life steeped in authenticity and love, I share the transformative revelations that accompany surrounding ourselves with those who celebrate our true essence. The episode is a testament to the power of real connection and the courage it takes to distance ourselves from negativity. Together, we delve into the strength found in vulnerability, unraveling the beauty of an existence built on self-acceptance and genuine relationships. Tune in for an intimate conversation that assures you—no one has to walk this path alone.

Please register and join me for Mindset Magic, a FREE monthly coaching service I am now offering.  First session begins March 8, 2024.  Link below:
https://www.purepossibilities.net/offers/KokhYSyL

Transcript

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Breaking Free From Shame and Guilt

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome back to the show . One of the main reasons why I wanted to do this podcast was because I truly believe that we are all unique and beautiful souls . However , we all have a lot of very similar experiences that we've gone through in our life , and maybe not specifically , but we have a lot of experiences that happen where we carry shame and guilt , and those things lead us to people pleasing and self-abandonment , and there's all these beliefs and thoughts that go through our mind that prohibit us or that we allow to hold us back from living the life that we actually deserve to live , that can be light and fun and pleasurable and full of joy and not so heavy all of the time , and not it doesn't have to be so hard , it doesn't have to be as hard as we make it . So today I have been led to get really vulnerable with you today and in hopes that this might help someone , because I have personally carried a lot of shame and guilt in my life and I think I've shared some tidbits of some things that have happened . But I think the shame and the guilt that we carry then transitions into a lack of worthiness , and so I just want to talk about that a little bit .

Speaker 1 2:05

I was raised in a Irish Catholic family and people in my family got married and they stayed married forever , whether they were happy or not . And I got engaged when I was in high school and got married three months out of high school , because my belief when I was younger was that you get married , you have kids , you buy a house and you do all of those things . That's just what you do , and so that's what I was doing . So at 18 years old I got married . At 20 years old , I found myself in the middle of a divorce and at the time I didn't have any children , so it was a pretty seamless divorce per se . My perception was that he had cheated on me and then the woman that he was with ended up becoming pregnant shortly after , actually before a divorce was final . Again , this is my point of view and my perspective . So I went on feeling very rejected and betrayed and I was single for a little while after that not too long and then I ended up meeting my son's dad and we were together for several years before we got married . We got married . Actually , we bought a house , got married and had a baby all within a year . That was a lot . That was a lot . And then we had some challenges and things didn't work out , and so when my son was one , we ended up getting divorced . So at this point I was 28 or 29 , I don't remember , so I was not 30 yet and I'd already been divorced twice . As you can imagine , my family wasn't overly accepting of this from my perspective .

Speaker 1 4:21

And then I got into another relationship . We were together for several years and got married again . And then we were together and got divorced again . So at this point I've been divorced three times and there was a lot of judgment with that . And again , I don't know if that's just my perception of people judging me , but I know I would hear comments from people often and I also , because I got married right out of high school .

Speaker 1 4:56

I had always wanted to be a hairstylist and I chose to work . I actually started working when I was 15 and I just worked and I didn't go to college . So now I'm divorced three times , I don't have a college education and I've got all of the non-societal . These are all really bad things in society . So then I ended up getting divorced again . I don't remember where I was at , but I ended up getting divorced again and then I got involved with my first ex-husband and we were together for a few years , got engaged again , but we never got married again . And then he left and ended up getting involved with my best friend of 20 years and now there , I believe , happily married .

Speaker 1 5:52

I have no idea , I don't really have any contact with them , but there was a lot of shame . I don't know if you experience shame in your life , so those are a couple of things that I have carried guilt and shame over in my life and the things that have happened . Now , when I look back , I truly , truly believe that those experiences have molded and shaped me into the person that I am . I am an individual in my family who , without a college education , has created an amazing career . I have supported my child , being a single mom , through various times in my life or throughout his life . I own my own home . I work full time . I have created a business . I now have a podcast .

Speaker 1 6:53

I don't need to feel shame for the choices that I made . Sometimes we carry big shame . Maybe it's addictive behaviors . Maybe it's shame regarding ending a relationship that you knew was toxic for you . Maybe you carry shame because you're staying in a relationship and you're self-abandoning . I mean all these things lead to people pleasing self-abandonment , not living in your truth , and that shit is heavy . It's heavy and it can weigh you down and I mean there's all kinds of things that happen with that . You fall into addictive behaviors because you're running away from your life . You're running away from your shame . You're running away from facing yourself for the choices that you've made or the things that have happened . Maybe it's shame of I mean I'm also a health coach . Maybe the shame is I lost weight and then I gained it back . Maybe the shame is I stayed in a relationship longer than I should have and I missed out on so many things . Maybe I'm staying in a relationship that I'm absolutely fucking miserable in because of what other people will think .

Speaker 1 8:38

I don't want to have the shame of a divorce . I don't want to have the shame of being a single parent . Maybe you are staying in a job that is sucking your soul . Maybe you betrayed someone and you feel shameful for that . Maybe you unintentionally hurt someone and that creates shame . What are you carrying that you can let go of and release that shame and not punish yourself and torture yourself ? Guilt and shamer some of the lowest vibrational frequencies and when we sit in that and live in that , we don't feel good and then that leads to not feeling like we deserve to have anything better because of the choices that we made or the things that we did .

Speaker 1 9:38

But your past doesn't have to define your future , because truly what matters is this present moment of where you're at and what you can do to choose different , to choose what you want , to choose a path that's going to light you up and fulfill you . You don't have to live in that . I mentioned not going to college , and I'm not saying that people should or shouldn't . It's literally your life and you should do what you want . Whatever path you want to go down is your choice . But when we get caught up in , what are people going to think ? What are people going to think if I get divorced again ? What are people going to think if I end this relationship ? What are people going to think ? What are people going to think of me ? It really doesn't matter , because most of the time people aren't spending their time thinking about you and what you're doing and your choices that you're making in your life and sitting in judgment . We perceive that they do , we believe that they do . We create in our mind a story that they're going to think that .

Speaker 1 11:05

I know I've said this before , but the people that truly , genuinely and deeply love you , they just want you to be happy , however that looks for you , when you can get to a space where you don't allow the perceived judgments of other people run your life pretty powerful . Sometimes shame can be something as simple as I'm intending to eat healthy . Then I get a craving and I eat a cookie , or I have a brownie or whatever your sweetness , sweet desire is . Then you beat yourself up and berate yourself and shame yourself because you should have known better , you should have done different , you should have made the better choice and then you allow it to ruin your entire day or all of the progress that you've made . What if you just let that go ? The choices we make today impact our tomorrow . If we stop ourselves and think about what we're doing and really consider it , then we're making those choices from a conscious space and it feels more powerful rather than just allowing life to happen . You're paying attention and making those choices from a conscious state of mind .

Speaker 1 12:41

It's really important to me that you realize that you're not alone and that it's okay to forgive yourself for choices that you've made in your life or things that have happened , or for the times that you've self-abandoned to please other people . You don't have to keep doing that . You can choose different . I will always remind you that this is your life . It's nobody else's . When we make our choices and our decisions and live our life to please other people , all we're doing is hurting ourselves .

Speaker 1 13:25

It's taken me a long time to . I'm not going to say that I'm proud of the fact that I've been divorced three times . That was a huge part . When my last relationship ended , I was like what in the hell , Shannon ? Why are you not able to make these relationships work ? What is going on with you ? Ultimately , what was going on with me is I didn't know who the hell I was . I didn't know what I wanted . I didn't know what would make me happy , because I constantly looked outside of myself for my happiness . It doesn't have to be that way , when you can make yourself uncomfortable and try new things and get to know who you are at your core and let go of all of the shit that people have said to you over the years and told you who you have to be and what you have to be and what you have to do to fit in when you can release that and let that go and take back your life .

Speaker 2 14:39

It's really powerful . It's really powerful .

Speaker 1 14:46

I see so much potential in people and I see so much pain and so much hurt and I just want you to know that it is never too late to change your path , to make a different choice , to reach out for help if you're stuck and you don't know where to go .

Speaker 1 15:13

That's one of the reasons why I'm doing my mindset magic free group coaching every month , starting on March 8th , Because I want to help . I want to help you not feel so stuck and in so much pain . Then I want to help you take back control of your life when you can release the shame and start doing things for yourself , to feel better about you , to like yourself more , to learn to love yourself , to feel deserving and worthy because you are just because you're here .

Speaker 1 16:04

You have magic and power and a beautiful , beautiful soul to share . So I'm going to talk about worthiness on another episode soon very soon .

Speaker 1 16:23

I just felt like we needed to talk about shame because we don't need to carry that . We can put it down . It doesn't have to stay with you . Your past doesn't have to stay with you . The choices you made yesterday don't have to stay with you . Every day is a new day . I learned from those things . I learned from those situations and they have created the life that I have now and they put me in a space to be able to help and serve other people . Your story is powerful and can change somebody's life . I have a note on my computer here . It says I was my first client . I remind myself of that every day .

Speaker 1 17:15

People tell me they don't know how I do it , how I do all the things that I do , and sometimes , honestly , I don't know how I do it either , but I never felt like I had a choice to do it any differently .

Speaker 2 17:30

When something would knock me down , I would just pick myself right back up , because that's just what I did

Creating an Authentic, Loving Life

Speaker 2 17:37

. I didn't know any other way you can find it within you to create a life that you actually do love , and surround yourself with amazing people who will cheer you on and support you and love you for exactly who you are not for who you're trying to be or who you actually are . You're a beautiful , authentic self , and if people don't like it , then they don't need to be a part of your life . That's okay . That's okay . If you have a story that you would like to share , please reach out . This is how we change . This is how we can impact people's lives and help them to know that they're not alone . They're not alone , you are not alone . Thank you for listening . Have a beautiful , beautiful day . Much love , so much love .