Setting Boundaries with Michele Maguire

I just got back from this awesome energy healing retreat and wow, do I feel rejuvenated! Today, I'm hanging out with Michele Maguire from the Bettermint Podcast, and we're diving into everything about setting boundaries. It's all about figuring out how to draw the line, whether it's with an ex or in transforming how we handle our work hours.

As we share our stories and the insights we've gained, you'll see how powerful it can be to really define your space. Sure, it’s tricky to balance personal limits with keeping relationships smooth, but we’re here to show you how it's done.

Michele and I talk about the ups and downs of our own experiences with setting boundaries, and how sometimes you just need to take a breath before reacting. This episode is all about growing into your own and realizing how much your self-worth is linked to the boundaries you set.

We wrap up with a big high-five to the power of saying 'no.' Every time we enforce a boundary, we get closer to living a life that truly matches our deepest values and goals. If you've been feeling like you need to get your life and ambitions more aligned, this is the episode for you.

And hey, don’t miss out—Michelle’s got a free webinar coming up where she'll dive even deeper into the art of setting boundaries. It’s gonna be great!

Connect with Michele:
3 Yes Boundary Method Webinar Link:
https://bettermint.myflodesk.com/aprilwebinar

Bettermint Podcast Facebook Community:
https://www.facebook.com/share/YKDvnRPrMzQz7wT8/?mibextid=K35XfP

Website:
http://www.bettermintpodcast.com/

Instagram @bettermintpodcast 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:33

Welcome back to the show. I am feeling so rested and relaxed. I was away last week at an energy retreat for a course that I'm taking and I cannot even tell you how much I needed that time. I was feeling really disconnected from myself. It was interesting I had been feeling disconnected from some people in my life and I listened to a friend's podcast, my friend Liza, life with Liza podcast. She had an episode that I really needed to hear where she talked about intuition and relationships and she discusses how important our relationship is with ourself, which is something that I also talk about, but sometimes I need to hear it from somebody else too. So it was interesting. I really needed it, and it was just a beautiful reminder that I always say what's going on with other people has nothing to do with you and what's going on with you has nothing to do with other people. Well, what was going on with me? It didn't do with you and what's going on with you has nothing to do with other people. Well, what was going on with me didn't really have anything to do with people in my life. It had to do with me feeling a disconnect from myself. So that time away is really helpful for me to kind of reconnect. So it's so funny. Every time I have someone on my show I get so excited because these conversations are fun and I always learn so much.

Speaker 1: 2:04

So today, my friend Michelle McGuire from the Betterment Podcast is joining us and we're talking all about boundaries, and I don't know about you, but boundaries are definitely a thing for me that I have been kind of working on over the last I don't know year or two, and boundaries with myself and boundaries with other people, and I hope you find this episode very helpful. Something I would normally add at the end I'm going to drop right here. Michelle has a free webinar on Tuesday, april 16th for her three yes, boundary method, so I will drop the registration link in the show description If you'd like to join her, for that. She's amazing, and after you hear this episode you're going to be like, oh my gosh, sign me up again, it's totally free, sign me up Again, it's totally free. You can also connect with Michelle on her website, bettermentpodcastcom, and there you can schedule a consultation if you're interested in working with her regarding boundaries or because she is so multifaceted. She also offers angel readings and you can schedule one of those with her too, so I hope you enjoy today's episode.

Speaker 1: 3:24

Welcome to the show, mint. I'm so excited that you're here with us today. How are you?

Speaker 2: 3:28

I'm good Thanks for having me, Shannon. I'm honored that you asked.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Yeah, I feel like there's so many things we can talk about. I know there really are. Yeah, I can literally talk to you for hours and hours and hours we have so many things.

Speaker 2: 3:42

So many things.

Speaker 1: 3:43

Yeah, last week we were on Julia's podcast, life After Breath, talking about some spirituality stuff, which is always a passion of mine.

Speaker 2: 3:52

Yeah, mine too. It was fun. It was a fun conversation, me and my Abraham Hicks impressions.

Speaker 1: 3:58

So embarrassing. I actually actually, I keep coming up with some that I want to send to you that I feel like I should oh, yeah, send, yeah, send them it's great, it was funny, it was great, it was. Um, I would love to talk to you about today is first, I want to hear a little bit about you and kind of what started you on your path, and then we'll we'll kind of see where we go all right.

Speaker 2: 4:24

So I mean, you know me, but for your audience, I am a divorced single mom of two young girls and I live in the Boston area. Um, for work, I am in the meetings and events field and I've been doing that for almost 20 years and I have realized, actually my entire career, that it really wasn't for me and I always joked, I'm like, oh, I'm not meant to work, you know. But really what I've realized more recently is that it's just not aligned with my purpose and it took me 43 years to realize that. I always thought I was an anxious person from a very young kid on, and work always made me anxious, and still does. But I did, about a year and a half ago I did childhood trauma healing work on myself and it was intense and through that journey I realized that I'm not an anxious person. My nervous system was just programmed in a certain way which caused me to react to situations that as a kid I didn't feel safe in, and so you know I would react, and whatever coping mechanism I would use served me well as a kid. But in growing up through my adult life, those coping mechanisms, when my nervous system gets triggered, no longer serve me. So I've had to literally reprogram my nervous system so I can pause and respond instead of have a knee jerk reaction. So, for example, it's funny, like I don't know.

Speaker 2: 6:17

A few months ago, I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend and I was talking about, you know, it's funny, like I don't know. A few months ago, I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend and I was talking about, you know, my podcast and everything else, and, you know, deciding what I should pay for. Do I want the free version of Zoom? Or, you know, should I pay for that version of Zoom? And he's like, oh, I'll cover that version of Zoom for you. It's like my little gift for your podcast or whatever. And I'm like, oh, that's so sweet. But some anxious feelings came up in me. I'm like what is this Like? I didn't like that. He said that, which is ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 6:49

He was being really nice and generous and did you feel like you weren't in a space of wanting to receive, or what do you think?

Speaker 2: 6:54

No, I can tell you. So I have learned. So my nervous system was triggered and I had to think about why. So it took me a minute. I said to him something's coming up for me, can we talk about something else? I just need to work through this and figure out what's going on. I'm just feeling anxious. So he said, okay, we started talking about something else. And I had to think about it for a while.

Speaker 2: 7:19

And you know, as a kid my dad used to be very controlling with money, the way he treated my mom with money when they were married, because they got divorced later. But I could see him doing that with me too and I didn't like it. And I played golf in college and I was when I was a senior. I was kind of tooling with the idea of going pro and the reason why I didn't was because I didn't want to rely on my parents for money and I knew I would have to. So it was this whole history of watching how my dad treated my mom when it came to money and then eventually, as I grew older, how he started to try to treat me, which I nipped that in the bud really fast, maybe not in the most healthy way because I still hadn't done my trauma healing work. But so it was all a culmination of all of that and that's what was coming up for me in that moment. I wasn't unsafe, but I felt unsafe because something subconsciously made my body say to me you know, red flag, red flag, you're not safe. You're not safe. This is a money conversation. And he's you know things I make up in my head like he's trying to control me with money by paying for my Zoom account. So ridiculous, that's spiraling and it's not accurate.

Speaker 2: 8:54

So in the past, before I did all of this work, I would probably would have snapped at my boyfriend and be like, no, I don't want, I don't want you to do that, and then he'd get up. Probably, if I'm looking at it in retrospect, he probably would have gotten pissed off at me, like what the heck? I'm just being nice, like slow your roll, you know. And. But instead I later told him because he wanted to know if I was ready to talk about what came up. So I told him about this and he's like, well, you know, I'm not your dad, right? I'm like I know that.

Speaker 2: 9:27

But he did trauma healing work to childhood trauma healing work too, and he did a similar program for men that I did. So he understands kind of the language that we use and so I was able to explain to him like my wounded child was at the wheel, making me feel a certain way. I had to kind of sit back and think about what you know what was wrong, and literally my wise adult had to talk to my wounded child and say you're safe, this is not the same situation that you've been in. You sit back and you play with your dolls. I'll handle this as the adult. You know the adult version of us. So anyway, I did a lot of that work. It's still a work in progress, but also within that work I learned a lot about limits and boundaries, because I also realized that I had very porous boundaries um, mostly internal porous boundaries and so my containing boundary was not the best. So I would, you know, get agitated at someone and like I'd get anxious and agitated and I'd react.

Speaker 2: 10:37

you know when I could have handled it differently, but my containing boundary just wasn't there, because I was so used to like the stress of growing up, the way I grew up, also realizing, you know, I always had to be good and perfect and whatever. So all of those things moved into my career from the second I graduated, college I mean it was. It was like totally present during all of my school years too. And so again, that anxious person I thought I was, but when I went into the workforce it just got even more prevalent, because then there was more pressure. They're no longer supporting me. I don't have that like naive bubble of that protection, you know. So now I live on my own, I'm paying my home bills, and it just seems like there's more pressure than I get married and I have kids. And it's even more pressure when I have kids. They're in daycare and I'm. I don't like that. They're in daycare and I never see them.

Speaker 2: 11:33

And then I passed the like. This is how my mind would work every day. My commute was horrible, but driving into work I would pass all the kids and the moms at the bus stop and I would be so upset because I always said to myself that's never going to be me. I'm never going to be that mom. I dropped my daughter off at daycare my baby, three months old, at like six in the morning, so I could trek into the city, do a full day's work, leave, pray. I get back in time around 630 when they close. They charge you a dollar a minute if you're late, and then I go home just to feed her and put her to bed. It's like what is that? And so it just escalated. And so finally, last summer, I realized I did the work. It was like a year and a half a year later or whatever, maybe a little bit less. It was probably like six months later Last summer.

Speaker 2: 12:40

I am sitting at my desk because I work from home now, luckily, but I'm sitting at my desk and work is just taking advantage of me. But they're taking advantage of me because I'm allowing it and I'm not setting the boundaries that I learned to set in any area of my life. Or maybe I started to learn to set them in my personal life, but I'm not setting them at work. And so finally I was like I can't do this anymore, I'm not going to do this anymore. And so I'm like now's can't do this anymore, I'm not going to do this anymore. And so I'm like now's the time to set these limits and boundaries and I'm done, I'm not doing it anymore. And from that point on, my life changed, like my thought process changed the way I, my relationship with work has changed. My confidence has changed in the sense that I now believe that I can change my circumstances. I also believe that I will change my circumstances, and the rest is history. But those limits and boundaries were pivotal in that transformation were pivotal in that transformation.

Speaker 1: 13:40

That's really amazing. I mean even going back to the healing that you've done and the conversation where with your boyfriend, where you were able to just pause and say you know this is triggering me and then taking the moment, going back, figuring out what the trigger was and then having that follow-up conversation with him and then going into work and setting those boundaries. So I think boundaries can be really difficult for people. I mean often very and.

Speaker 1: 14:11

I know that when I talk about setting boundaries, I don't know if people always understand. You know what does it mean to set a boundary? Could you give some examples of yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 14:21

Like a work boundary.

Speaker 1: 14:22

That's probably one of the biggest ones for people Work boundaries are huge, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2: 14:27

So, you know to your point. I mean there are so many misconceptions around boundary setting and you know it's also, it's hard, people make a lot of mistakes with it, and so, like a lot to your point, I think people think that boundaries are selfish, it's like a form of controlling others. People tend to think they're one size fits all and that they cause conflict and arguments. I don't agree. I think an example of a boundary at work, let's say so I had a client actually this is a decent example where she works for herself and she came to me and said I'm having a really hard time not declining work that I don't want to do. She's like these are the aspects of my job that I love doing, and this is in my regular list of offerings. But I'm getting a lot of phone calls from people with urgent requests to do other things, and they're urgent. And so, number one, she agreed to them, and number two, she wasn't charging extra for them. And number three, it was eating out of her time with her family and what she really wanted in working with herself, which was not to burn the midnight oil. And so that's. Those are some examples of not having great boundaries. So the boundaries that we and I can tell you kind of how we establish those boundaries, but the boundaries that she ended up setting after our work together was she had office hours that she didn't have to work all of those hours, but it was like 10 to two. That's when her office would be quote unquote open. You know her cell phone. She'd answer calls at those times or whatever. And she also created a pricing list for well, I'm sorry, no, she didn't. She created a list of and she posted on her website what her offerings are, because she didn't like here's what I offer. She didn't say like anything about exceptions, because it was a very gray area on her website. So she made that very clear of here's what I offer.

Speaker 2: 16:50

And then when people called her, this was such a good boundary and I was so proud of her for this one, so she would feel on the spot and she would just say yes as soon as they called when she answered the phone without thinking about okay, how long is this going to take me, what other projects do I have to put on hold to make it happen and how much should I charge? So she would agree, wouldn't charge them extra would put everything aside and would get her behind and she would just be mad and angry and resentful about it. So what she ended up doing was she put a note on her desk or on her laptop that said get off the phone when somebody calls with an urgent request to call them back. So what she does is say, okay, let me write down all the details that you're looking for. Okay, let me get back to you. 100%. She will never answer them on the spot on the phone.

Speaker 2: 17:47

She hung up, actually did the work to see is this something I can fit in? If it is, is it a project I even wanna do? And if it's no, you say no. If it's a yes, then how much am I going to charge for this? Because I have to put all these other projects on hold and that's kind of. She was able to control that and still communicate it properly. Like I'm so sorry I can't take this on. Like she'll call them back I'm sorry, I can't take it on this, you know this time. Or she can say I will take it on, but here's my pricing.

Speaker 2: 18:23

It's a rough request you know, yeah, I love that. It took a while to get there, yeah, no.

Speaker 1: 18:28

But I think that so often we feel the immediate need to respond, like right away, we have to get back to somebody you know, whether it's work or being invited somewhere or anything like that, you know we just feel like we have to give an answer when we don't. We can create that space, create that pause, check in with ourselves and find out what is really going to work for us.

Speaker 2: 18:55

Yeah, yeah. And it's funny, like in my personal life. I'll give you one more example, and my therapist is the one that really helped me with this one. I went to the bus stop and I was dropping my girls off at the bus. My ex-husband he lives on my street, we have a good relationship but he met me. He came to the bus I don't know what he I think he was dropping something off for the girls or something and he comes up to me he's like hey, can you take the girls? This? You know, the weekend of X, I want to go here, I want to go on vacation, whatever.

Speaker 2: 19:26

And I'm just like I felt like I had to respond on the spot when I didn't want to say yes. And my therapist was like Michelle, it's okay that you say can we not talk about this here? I'll get back, let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you. And before I'd be like looking at my phone, right then and there, and I just probably end up saying yes, even though I didn't want to, because I just felt anxious about the conversation Number one, in front of the girls. Number two, in front of all the other parents at the bus stop and number three, like without being prepared or not, you know.

Speaker 2: 19:59

So I finally learned, and that can be awkward when you say no. I don't like saying no to somebody's face. It's awkward because you don't know how they're going to react, and that's another thing. When you set boundaries, people do react, sometimes in a contentious way, but that's a reflection of them, not you, and that's another whole, nother topic. But I was able to kindly say I'm not really sure, but let me get back to you. And then I was able to think about what my response would be next time, because I don't want him bringing that up in front of the girls at the bus stop. I would rather that be a conversation between us, you know. So that was a win for me.

Speaker 1: 20:39

No, absolutely I think any.

Speaker 1: 20:41

anytime I set a boundary or do anything like like, it's like Ooh that was like I feel good you know, because when you're not and when you're not used to setting boundaries, it makes other people uncomfortable, you know, and especially when they're not used to that coming from you know, and especially when they're not used to that coming from you. But I think one of the most important things is giving ourselves permission to create that space to say no and allowing that to be okay, because so often we just feel like we can't and it's okay to say no If like, if it doesn't feel good to you, like, if your immediate impulse is Like, if it doesn't feel good to you, like, if your immediate impulse is I don't want to do that, then absolutely, you know, say let me get back to you or whatever you can say to create that and I really think, yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:30

I mean it's so hard to say no, but the way that I have perceived it and the way that I kind of teach in my coaching is okay. What area? First of all, defining what area of your life you want to set boundaries in and then defining your values around that. And so, if it's I don't know, let's say it's, it's work. I want to be able to say no to my clients who ask me for rush requests on projects I don't wanna do. Okay, well, what are your values around your job? Let's talk about that.

Speaker 2: 22:04

And so you value working from 10 to two and you're not gonna work before because you wanna go play pickleball with your friends in the morning and you don't wanna work after two because you have to pick up your kids at school, get their homework done, take them to sports, be involved, whatever it is. You also want to start. You know you can set, write down all of those values and then, once you have those in front of you and they have to be detailed, because the less detailed they are, they are, the more gray area and the more you tend to make exceptions for it. But anyway, when you set your values and you write them down. Those are your non-negotiables. And so if you say yes to someone you actually want to say no to, then you're saying no to those super important values. Then you're saying no to those super important values and so when you think about it, you're like wait a minute, I don't want to say no to this list of values I worked so hard creating, and so it makes it easier to say no to the person who's asking or whatever. You know.

Speaker 2: 23:13

Whatever you have to say no to, yeah, because you can forget all the rest, because in a lot of another thing, a lot of a lot of the boundaries work also is about self-worth and it's really important that everybody on this earth understands that they are worthy of having values, they are worthy of abiding by their values, and they can forget the rest. A lot of people, you know I've had clients who don't feel good enough, especially if it's like I've had clients where, like they're in relationships or in their marriage really, and they don't feel comfortable saying no to their husband about something that they just they don't feel worthy or good enough and it's so important to change. Try your best to change that mindset, because you are worthy and you are good enough.

Speaker 1: 24:17

So what do you say to people when they say I don't believe I'm worthy, I don't believe I'm good enough, I don't, I don't think I deserve this. How do you? How?

Speaker 2: 24:25

do you respond to that? I mean, I have a little come to Jesus with them. Not going to lie, I can, you know, I I think I'm a very empathetic person, but I also, you know, I think I'm a very empathetic person, but I also sometimes my approach is very direct and so take it or leave it, that's my approach. But I think I tell them, you know you are worthy, because sometimes we talk about like there's someone in particular I'm thinking about in my head, and before we started our conversation she had told me a little bit about her past as a child, and she came from a very abusive household growing up as a kid, and so she went into her marriage not feeling worthy Like her whole life she didn't feel worthy and so she accepted things in her marriage that she should not have accepted, and she knows that she shouldn't accept it.

Speaker 2: 25:25

And so I just said to her I'm like, first of all, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a therapist. I really strongly urge you to go find a therapist that resonates with you so you can do that work, because if you can't do that work, the work you and I are going to do likely won't work, because if you're not ready to look at yourself in the mirror and say I'm worthy of having values, of having non-negotiables in a value system, and to understand that, like, your worth is not defined by the opinions of other people, by the opinions of your colleagues or your manager or, you know, your next door neighbors or whoever, it all comes from within, so do that work. I also very much recommend they do a lot of meditation work to kind of center themselves and look within to calm their mind. I was never a meditator and meditation changed my life recently, me too.

Speaker 1: 26:33

I totally agree with that.

Speaker 2: 26:35

Yeah, I mean, it's a big deal and it's not like coming from the corporate America world, everything's go, go, go, go go. It's just like I always like lifted my nose to that stuff, like I don't have time for that. That's ridiculous. That's such woo woo BS you know, and anyway.

Speaker 2: 26:51

So then I talked to them about like I really want you to do the work. I will still work with them, depending. You know I always have a consultation to make sure it's the right fit and to make sure that they're committed. But you know, if, if all signs lead to yes, I will still work with them. But I do want them to get really clear on their values.

Speaker 2: 27:11

And what we talk about is saying yes to your values, saying or your boundaries really, because your values are yes, then you define your boundaries based on those values and then saying yes to how to communicate, because the communication portion is really what's intimidating to people, I find, where they don't wanna have like conflict or start an argument. But there are ways that you communicate. You can communicate this without you know having this like awkward conversation and then saying yes to following through, and a lot of that work comes from believing you're good enough and so I just had, I just kind of have those conversations. I encourage them to see a therapist because I'm not one.

Speaker 2: 27:57

I share some techniques that I've used to help enhance my self-worth through my childhood trauma healing work. How I cope with that and kind of step aside, you know, handle it and then come back, cause you're worthy of doing that. And it's interesting because if we have to start small to kind of practice boundaries like small, small boundaries, just to get that small win, then you like, when they go back and they do that, they're like, oh, I can do that, like all right, so let's try something a little bigger next time, and so it. You know, as we work together, it kind of it helps them gain more confidence. And so sometimes we start slower, sometimes, like I've had clients where I whiz through it because they've done all the work on themselves before they see me, you know.

Speaker 1: 28:51

My new favorite saying is courage comes after action A hundred percent. I mean, actually there's a few things Courage comes after action. Clarity comes after action, yep. Conscience comes after action, yep. And we can like I totally agree with those small wins. They're huge Cause they're not really as small as we, as we think they are. They are, but you know, you just take that little step and you're like oh, I did it, yeah and then you're like okay, okay, I'm really proud of myself, I did that.

Speaker 2: 29:22

I know, even if I'm gonna do it again, yeah, or like, let's like try to do something a little bit more difficult, you know. So it's all good stuff.

Speaker 1: 29:33

It's not, it's not easy, but you know it takes time definitely takes time, but it feels so good when you, when you start doing it and even though it makes other people. You know it makes other people uncomfortable. I have found, when I've been setting boundaries, it's like it's more because they're not used to me doing that.

Speaker 1: 29:50

They're not used to me speaking it for myself or advocating for myself, and so they? They don't know. It's not even necessarily that they are in disagreement with the boundary. It's more just like what this is coming from, shannon, like I'm, who is this person? I don't even know who she is, yep.

Speaker 2: 30:07

They don't know what to do with me.

Speaker 1: 30:09

Yeah, and they're so surprised that they don't even know how to handle it.

Speaker 2: 30:12

Yeah, it's funny.

Speaker 1: 30:13

I was sorry, go ahead, but I've definitely had. I had a situation one time where I was setting a boundary with somebody and then they respected the boundary by not doing what I asked them to do. Yeah, not do. Do you know what I mean? And then I started questioning. I was like are they? Are they mad at me? Are they, you know?

Speaker 2: 30:34

because I but they were respecting the boundaries. Yeah, right, right, I get it, I did what.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I asked them to do yeah, and then I started questioning myself. I assume that that's pretty common, you know. Yeah it is. Was that really the right thing to do? Because?

Speaker 2: 30:50

now, I'm not hearing now.

Speaker 1: 30:52

I'm not hearing from them pretty much ever.

Speaker 2: 30:55

Right? Well, that's not. It's so interesting. You say that I also had another client who, um, she would always question whether she was too much for somebody, and so her setting boundaries made her feel like and this is like. It comes back from her past and you know her relationship with her parents and growing up and watching how her parents behaved, whereas like she's like I don't want to be too much, like my mom is too much for people and causes drama. And all this is the fact that I'm telling him I'm not going to do this until we're exclusive, because that's in my value system. And does he think I'm being ridiculous? Maybe I'm just being too much, maybe you know. So same type of spiral. But no, you're not too much. The right person is going to respect your values and your boundaries, like that's the bottom line.

Speaker 1: 31:46

Yeah, I think that's something that people definitely forget or don't believe necessarily or don't know.

Speaker 2: 31:52

Well, yeah, right, and it all goes down to like believing that you're worthy. Yeah, you know, so it's. It's so. It's not easy, but it's definitely worth it.

Speaker 1: 32:12

Yeah, absolutely so. If someone wanted to work with you, how would they? How would they go about that?

Speaker 2: 32:21

Well, um, on my podcast website, um, bettermentpodcastcom I, if you scroll down it tells you a little bit about my boundary coaching method and you can sign up for a free consultation to see if you're a good fit and that's probably the best way. I'm putting together a free webinar about boundaries and my methodology, some case studies. I might do some hot seat coaching if people are comfortable with it and just to get people more aware of how to implement this into their life, and that will be coming out soon. I haven't picked a date yet, but I will keep my website updated with the infos.

Speaker 1: 33:08

Awesome. Thank you, sure, I have to say, you and I had a conversation about boundaries one time and it was. It was really good and very, very helpful and I appreciated you bringing the value side into it and staying in integrity with myself and yeah, it was.

Speaker 2: 33:29

I mean it's so important, yeah, and yeah, I mean, and I think staying integrity with yourself is a really good way to put it, but also, you know it's. It's so hard, shannon, because people. It is interesting, because you will be surprised that when you do communicate your boundaries, no matter how kindly some people will not like it, boundaries, no matter how kindly some people will not like it, and so again, it goes back to the integrity and the self-worth and what you know you are worthy of so important.

Speaker 1: 34:02

Yeah, I had just thought it. I thought it was interesting because it really it really had me take a look inside and ask myself some questions like is that really important to me? You?

Speaker 2: 34:14

know and I don't.

Speaker 1: 34:15

I don't know how often people really do that. I think we just get so much into just the. The flow of life is just happening to me and oh wait. I can actually stop, take a look at what I actually want in my life yeah, yeah, what's important to me and then make those decisions based off of what I what's important to me? Yeah, and it's hard.

Speaker 2: 34:40

It's hard because you, you know, depending on what it is like let's say it's relationships and you love someone so much or you care for them so much that you don't necessarily want them out of your life.

Speaker 2: 34:54

It could be, you know, your mom, it could be whoever, but if but you got to think about what it is that's true to you and the to to your point, like just what's most authentic to you. Because if you're not in alignment with that in any aspect, really you're going to have a little bit of resentment or you're going to feel it in your body or you're just going to be uncomfortable, and it's not going to be a good uncomfortable. So I appreciate you saying that, thank you. But it's also, I recognize it's not easy and there are people who don't necessarily follow through with boundaries. They might say, oh, I'm really good at setting boundaries, but then when push comes to shove, they're not really good at the follow through or they make a lot of exceptions. It's like what looking into? Why are you doing that? Why are you making these exceptions? Like what's driving that? You know?

Speaker 1: 35:49

Yeah, I think sometimes people are afraid that they're going to lose people out of their life. You know, you set a boundary and that person's going to go away. And I mean, I recognized recently that setting a boundary was a form of self-care Like I had never thought of it that way it is, and I was like, oh, look at me, it was it was with work and I set that boundary and I was like that's me taking care of me, knowing that I'm I'm important here.

Speaker 2: 36:18

Good for you. I'm happy to hear that, shannon, yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:22

That's good news. It felt really good and I was like my my mental health it's, yeah, it's important here and I need to. I need to make sure that I set those boundaries so that I can take time for me and do what I need to do for me. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 36:37

And it's so funny because it's not funny. But like, as a single mom, especially with work, it's so hard to process, like, what's going to happen if I set these boundaries? So like, oh my God, it's hard because now I have these two little girls, I have a mortgage, I have to pay my bills, I have to support them, they have activities and I have to feed them and they need clothes and whatever all this stuff, and so those components make my mind kind of spin into. Well, if I say no to my boss about staying late or working late or whatever their request is, am I going to get fired? Is she going to put me on a performance plan? Am I going to get my wrist slapped? And I, I don't like getting in trouble. Am I this, am I that?

Speaker 2: 37:25

And it's like, once again, your self-worth is not defined by the opinions of colleagues or your manager, not defined by the opinions of colleagues or your manager, and it's. But it's so hard, it's like, and you know it. That's why meditation is so important in all of this too. Like there's I'm I'm learning that there's a lot of like. There's a methodology I'm kind of creating, probably for an even larger course. But meditation is huge because, even though you don't feel like you don't have time for it, when you make the time, even if it's five or 10 minutes in the middle of the day, when you quiet your mind and you go within, clarity comes, it's intense. I mean, I know, you know this, I just I'm so passionate about it, I feel like.

Speaker 1: 38:16

I don't think anybody can ever hear that. Enough you know it really is about the head and heart and body alignment and really being in tune with ourselves. I mean, that's that, was that changed everything for me. You know really connecting when you connect to yourself, even if it is just for a couple of minutes.

Speaker 2: 38:37

Totally.

Speaker 1: 38:38

I mean, if you allow the term, the term meditation people tend to get about you know, but it's like, and it's not quieting your, you know, totally stopping your brain, it's just connecting.

Speaker 2: 38:52

It's connecting and being mindful and, in the present moment, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's. It's so beneficial and I forget what I was going to say, but I'll think of it.

Speaker 1: 39:07

I was thinking I could come up with a what if? Question about boundaries. What if I allow setting boundaries? Or you could say like what if I allow it to be easy?

Speaker 2: 39:16

Yeah, or what if I learn to live by my value system or something like that? I don't know, but yeah, oh there's. I bet you could think of something You're so good at that. I love that. You twist that Seriously. It's like my favorite thing about you. It's like your tagline.

Speaker 1: 39:34

What if? What if? I allow boundary setting to flow with grace and ease?

Speaker 2: 39:42

yes, yeah, well, well, part of me too. It's like I don't want to put like the what if I don't? But like what if I don't allow work to walk all over me? But I don't know if I want the, the negative jargon. No, I think it's it's what if?

Speaker 1: 39:58

what if it's easy? What if it's what?

Speaker 2: 40:00

what if I?

Speaker 1: 40:01

allow it to? What if I allow it to be easy?

Speaker 2: 40:03

yeah, or what if people react positively? Yeah, respects my boundaries.

Speaker 1: 40:09

Yes.

Speaker 2: 40:16

I like it. Oh, we could do this all day.

Speaker 1: 40:21

I know, you know, and then you're coming from a positive space of curiosity. Yes, I like it.

Speaker 2: 40:27

I like that A little bit. What if my boundaries make me happy? Like? What if my boundaries make me happy? Like what if my boundaries fulfill my life or make me feel fulfilled? I don't know Something like that. I'll send you more ideas, Okay.

Speaker 1: 40:48

I love it. I love it. Do you have any final parting words?

Speaker 2: 40:55

I love it. Do you have any final parting words? Just that you know, for anyone who really thinks and believes that they do need to set boundaries, it's not black and white and it doesn't have to be difficult, it doesn't have to cause conflict and no matter what anybody says, you're worthy of aligning to your values. It's what life is all about Living in your purpose.

Speaker 1: 41:27

Love it. It's beautiful, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2: 41:30

Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 41:32

I so appreciate you coming on.

Speaker 2: 41:36

Thank you. I appreciate you having me love talking to you you know.

Speaker 1: 41:38

So I know we'll have to have you back because there's so many I want to talk to you about, so many topics, shannon, so many. Anytime I'm ready okay, sounds good, thank you so much all right, thank you.