Stop Expecting Others to be Responsible for your Happiness

I hadn't intended to post an episode today, but here we are!  A fun, juicy, impromptu chat with my dear friend Julia, from the Life After Breath podcast and a mini wrap up from me at the end.  Have you ever considered that your emotional well-being might just be the secret ingredient to crafting the life you desire?  In this episode, we uncover the profound power within our thoughts and feelings. Together, we pull back the curtain on how words can be architects of our reality, inspired by the wisdom of Abraham Hicks. It's a candid look into taking ownership of our vibrational energy—because ultimately, it's on us to cultivate the next best feeling and stay true to our journey of joy and alignment.

Diving into the art of manifestation, we take you beyond the surface level of simply wanting more. Julia and I explore the traps of focusing on lack, like missing zeroes in your bank account, and pivot to the essence of our desires—the emotions that embody our deepest aspirations. We share the transformative realization that it's about reveling in the freedom and joy that comes with achievements, not the achievements themselves. Join us as we celebrate the present and visualize a future rich with experiences, all the while navigating life's complex tapestry with grace and emotional richness.

This episode isn't just a discussion; it's a call to action to take responsibility for our emotional landscape. I'll be sharing strategies for aligning your thoughts and actions to create your dream reality. We'll discuss the power of self-alignment and the release that comes when you stop expecting others to chart your course of happiness. Embrace the notion that daily alignment with our true selves is the cornerstone of manifesting our dreams. So, let's embark on this journey of growth together, embracing the process and finding joy in every step.
Link to episode referenced about Why Nobody Cares How You Feel
https://purepossibilities.buzzsprout.com/2267028/14768342

Connect with Julia on the Life After Breath Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-after-breath/id1713661645

Abraham Hicks Episode referred to in today's episode.
https://youtu.be/P6fuN1SZC-U?feature=shared

Transcript

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Creating Reality Through Thoughts and Feelings

Speaker 1 0:00

I woke up this morning and the first thoughts that came into my head as I was laying in bed thinking about how do I want to feel today Literally the first words were flow , ease , fun , and that's kind of what's been happening . So I ended up on a call with my friend Julia , who is the host of the Life After Breath podcast and we obviously chat all the time . She's one of my best friends and we were chatting and I'm like I need to record this . It's funny because I made the comment the other day that no one cares about how you feel , and it's kind of struck a chord with some people and it has prompted many conversations in my life , because when I say that people are like well , I care about how you feel , and maybe it's less about people not caring about how you feel , but that it's more important that you care about how you feel , and so we kind of dive into that a little bit in this impromptu conversation that we were having .

Speaker 1 1:05

There's all kinds of juicy stuff in this one . It's short because we had a call that we needed to jump onto , but the conversations are always fun . We reference a YouTube video from Abraham Hicks and if you don't listen to Abraham . I invite you to because it's amazing . Sometimes it takes a second to like . I don't know it took me more than a second . It took me . I started listening to Abraham . My cousin introduced me to Abraham seven , eight , nine years ago , I don't even remember . But they're just like little snippets of seminars and sometimes people find it can be a little difficult to listen to because sometimes it sounds like you don't really know everything that's going on . But I find a lot of really helpful tidbits out of these various episodes .

Speaker 1 1:56

Anyway , this one , of course , happens to be talking about what I was talking about this week , because that's how the universe works and that is how my world works . When I am thinking about something , or talking about something , it starts to show up in everything around me , because our thoughts and our words are very , very powerful . So this episode came up and we were talking about it and it literally they're literally talking about what I say when you are expecting other people to help you maintain your energy and your vibration throughout your day , and how it's our job to do that , because other people have things going on and we can't put the sole responsibility on them to help us flow through our day . Flow that was the other word that came up for me this morning Flow and ease and oh so beautiful Anyway . So if you feel so inclined , I'm going to put the episode in the show description .

Speaker 1 3:04

But this is just a fun chat that we're having and we kind of go in a couple of different avenues . A little bit about manifestation , how we create our own realities . We create our own everything , whether we want to or not , we really do . Please have a listen . And then I'm going to circle back at the end and wrap things up with a little bow . So I hope you enjoy recording because we'll just see what happens .

Speaker 2 3:30

We have 15 minutes , that's okay this will be a little short episode .

Speaker 2 3:35

But yeah , no , I cause I thought about sending it to her as well and I was like she doesn't know that I was that I'm privy to this as a conversation . So , but yeah , I haven't watched all of it , I only watched the first maybe five to seven minutes , and the thing that threw my mom off was that it , like you know how they like put a title up there and it was specifically about positive momentum and that's not what she starts or what they start off talking about , and so I didn't feel like the title .

Speaker 2 4:01

I didn't feel like the title was in alignment at all with what I said and I said that to her , I was like sometimes that's true , and it's not what you think it is , but it usually is something that you need to hear . And she was like , oh , but she's like I'm really not in the headspace . I was like , cool , no worries , I go , but I do set an intention . I do this all the time where it's like I need to listen to the neighbor . Ham , I'm just gonna trust hey universe , make this be something I need to hear today , and it usually is . It almost always is for me .

Speaker 1 4:30

Yeah , totally , even when I don't say that , I'm like yeah , that's really good and just like that too , oh wow so , yeah , I I think it's that outside validation that people are always looking for to feel better . Yeah , well , you know I deal with that . Yeah , I mean , I do too sometimes . Yeah , but it's that when you know , like , if you're busy and you can't get back to me about something like , I can't allow that to like ruin my day .

Speaker 2 5:07

It's like or stop you from moving forward , or yeah , like what do they say in that episode ? It was like you know , oh totally with me until you went and had breakfast .

Speaker 1 5:16

Yeah , you breakfast eater and then you lose your whole everything because the person had something going on . And it's like that's where , when I talk about people not caring about how you feel , it's not literally that people don't care about how you feel , but it's about you need to care more about how you feel and what you can do to .

Speaker 2 5:39

I don't know , I get tired .

Speaker 1 5:40

I get tired of saying feel better , feel better , feel better . But right .

Speaker 2 5:44

well , and you know that better is not a word I like to use , so like , feel good as much as possible . But then I talked to , like in talking to multiple people who are not feeling great , um , I it's . It's remembering that sometimes feeling good isn't possible right now , and that's okay . And Abraham says that too , you can't get there from there , so you find the next best good . It might not be like I feel so happy and joyful . I have found complete joy in my life . If you're in a state of depression or feeling lost , sometimes the next best feeling is being angry about the fact that you feel lost . You know what I mean . And that feels so much better than feeling lost .

Speaker 1 6:22

And then just like one next step , yeah , like 1% .

Speaker 2 6:26

Yeah , don't stay there , don't live your life in anger . No , but hopefully not . Yeah , hopefully , I mean there are people who do . We know that , you know , so just I don't know .

Speaker 1 6:38

I have a sticky note here that says addicted to feeling like shit . So like why are people addicted to feeling like ?

Speaker 2 6:42

shit . So , like , why are people addicted to feeling like shit ? It's that comfortable , uncomfortable , uncomfortableness Cause it's normal , cause it feels I was going to say it feels safe , but it's not a safety thing , it's a it's I'm , I'm accustomed to it , this is just , and so then we accept it and say this is just what life is , and that's where it goes back to . Our other conversation was like it's your life , right ? So if life is just shit , it's your choice . Yeah , and that's a different way of looking at it . It's so much easier to blame life , or to blame our parents , or to blame the person who isn't caring about you because they're eating their breakfast .

Speaker 1 7:20

Damn breakfast eaters . I was listening to something earlier and I took some notes . You're always gathering details and the universe is always showing you one way or the other , but you're just constantly gathering details and creating your manifestations . I don't like the word manifestation .

Speaker 2 7:41

I'm starting to feel like , okay , it's starting to be overused , yeah , in that we're making it mean something it doesn't . Again , it's what we do as humans is we bastardize these words , which is why vocabulary is so important to me .

Speaker 1 7:58

I mean , would you rather hear the word manifestation or would you rather hear you're creating your own reality ? Because we're constantly . You know , we're manifesting all the time . We're creating our own reality all the time , yeah , by the thoughts , feelings and emotions that we're putting out , and the energy and the vibration .

Speaker 2 8:16

Yeah , I don't know . It's almost like the more mainstream a word gets and the less woo-woo it's considered , because it's more accepted , the more watered down it gets yeah and that's where I feel like we're starting to get with manifest manifestation , because it's more than just getting what you want and like .

Speaker 2 8:37

I had this conversation with a friend of mine and he was like so if you're manifesting what you want and I'm manifesting what I want does that just mean that everybody gets what they want ? And I'm like , yeah , but also no , that's not what it means . It's not about like I want a car , so I'm manifesting . You know what I mean . Like it's more than that . It's about following . What was it that it's about ? It's exactly what you just said that you are creating your own reality , and so that means that you're manifesting the good things that come your way and you're manifesting the bad things that

Manifestation and Enjoying the Journey

Speaker 2 9:10

come your way . And the reason I struggle with that part of it is because what that actually is is focusing on lack , and so that lack is going to continue . I don't necessarily believe that . Like why does that ?

Speaker 1 9:24

mean that you're focusing on lack If you're also focusing on the not having of what you want .

Speaker 2 9:29

So , for example , what was I talking to you ? It doesn't matter if I say I want a million dollars and I'm manifesting a million dollars to be in my bank account , but every day I go and look at my bank account and there's not a million dollars . And there's not a million dollars , and there's Not a million dollars . What I'm focusing on is that there's not a million dollars . What I'm focusing on is that there's not a million dollars . I'm not focusing on the million dollars , I'm focusing on it not being there , and so it's not going to be there . Because that's where my focus is .

Speaker 2 9:51

Abraham talks about it , about like it having two sides of a stick , and when you're focusing on the not having or the lack of whatever it is that you want , you're not focusing on the having , and that's where you get into the colloquialism of like . It's not about focusing on what you want , it's about being what you want and so living . What does it feel like to have a million dollars in your bank account ? And that's where sometimes I'll struggle , because I have no fucking clue what that feels like , but I can imagine what it might feel like and that's where I focus on those feelings and that is me like living in as if I had a million dollars . Now , when you say live as if you have a million dollars , it doesn't mean go spend a million dollars like racking up your credit that you can't credit for , but like , literally , like living in those emotions rather than bringing back to the fact that I don't have it , I don't have it .

Speaker 2 10:43

And so now that what that does is , it starts you in that downward spiral and that negative momentum . And so then negative momentum is going to build and , because that's what momentum is , is going to build into worse , worse , worse . And so that's where it feels like you're manifesting negativity or bad things or things you don't want , because our focus is becoming on what we don't want instead of allowing , realizing what we don't want , to inform us about what we do want and then letting what we don't want go and focusing on what we do want , and then that's going to build the positive momentum . Well , and ultimately we don't want go and focusing on what we do want , and then that's going to build the positive momentum .

Speaker 1 11:19

Well , and ultimately , we don't want the million dollars , we want the feeling , right , we want the feeling of what that would feel like , because I have no idea what that feels like either , right , but I want to know that . I want to feel peace and freedom and fun , and you know , right . And so when you're , ultimately it's not about the end goal anyway , no , it's about that's how you're feeling along the way .

Speaker 2 11:43

Yeah , that's exactly , and so I listened to today was it's like it's you're going to . When you get what you want , it's not going to be a big deal , but unless you enjoy the getting of it , enjoying the journey to getting it is the fun part , that's fun .

Speaker 1 11:58

I never understood what enjoy the journey was until I don't know a couple of years ago , and I was like oh , this is why I'm supposed to have as much fun as I can every day , every fucking day , yeah , yeah , to help me get to the things that make me feel good .

Speaker 2 12:13

Well , and it's what I always say , that is from Abraham of happily ever after . Happily ever after isn't this castle in the sky . It's being happy in this moment and in the next and then , and happy in every moment from here on after . That's happily ever after . Yeah , that's being happy in the journey and in the experience . You know , and we can dumb it down to like climbing a mountain you don't have to wait to get to the top of the mountain to enjoy it . You're going to see views , you're going to see beautiful foliage , you're going to see animals , you're going to see amazing opportunities for photos along the way there , and then , when you get at the top , piece de resistance , but you still have an amazing experience on the way there . Why would you flout that in an effort to just get to the top ? And that's where we start working so hard to get to the top , instead of , like whoa , stop working so hard .

Speaker 1 13:08

Enjoy , enjoy the joy along the way , yeah no , absolutely , and I think for a long time I was really hung up on . I don't know what it feels like to , you know , have that , but it's , you know , whether it's money or an amazing relationship or whatever . So what can I do , you know , to create the feel good feelings , the peace , the calm , the joy , all of that ?

Speaker 2 13:37

because I don't have to have those things . There's other things that can create that for me . But also like , I think there's a difference of like . So , for example , neither of us are in committed relationships right now . I think that's okay for me to say and like , but we both want that eventually .

Speaker 2 13:52

It has been a gajillion years since I've been in a committed relationship and also like , not sure that it was the best like committed relationship . So , imagining what , being in that kind of solid , committed relationship , I've struggled to find what that feels like right , because it's been so long and because you know blah , blah , blah and I've been single on my own , blah , blah , blah . But I can imagine how much fun we're going to have , how amazing it's going to be to have somebody to like , cuddle with and or like experience a challenging day and have support or to like , have some of these really intense conversations and challenge each other and our thoughts and our processes and continue to grow together and separately at the same time . Like right . Look , listen to me , I'm excited about that . Yeah , this excitement , this joy of like , imagining rolling over into somebody's arms , that's what we're talking about . I'm not talking about what it feels like to have the final result . I'm talking about , like those little things day in and day night , and the more I get excited about that and think about that , the closer to that vibration I get in , and I truly believe that that is so there for both of us .

Speaker 2 14:55

For me , I also totally believe I am so not ready for that right now , and so I'm going to keep focusing on how amazing that feeling is and I cannot wait to meet this person and like and he's going to be fucking gorgeous and he's everything I want , even if he's not to the rest of the world , to me is going to be everything I always wanted and like . I'm so excited about that . But I also know I got my own shit to work out right now . I'm so not ready for that . So I'm cool . Let's just keep focusing on that it's there and that it's coming and when it's time it will happen .

Speaker 1 15:26

Well , and that I mean that energy , that vibration , all of that is so like . That's where it is and that's why , yeah , and we're , you know , looking for the things that are uplifting us and enjoying and the daily pleasure . You know , looking for the things that are uplifting us and enjoying and the daily pleasure you know .

Speaker 2 15:43

But I mean in this we can do the exact same experiment or like association with having that million dollars in the bank . It's not about having a million dollars in the bank , it's about like not having to worry about it , about waking up every morning and I want to go buy a coffee Cool . I don't have to think about whether or not there up every morning and I want to go buy a coffee Cool . I don't have to think about whether or not there's money in the bank . That's really exciting to me . I don't have to like my mom needs something . I can take care of it . Like hey , let's go to whatever . Like I can take care of it because that money's there and I like that's what I get excited about .

Speaker 1 16:20

I , the number in the bank is I just , you know what I mean . And so , like yeah , I went through this whole thing about like , what is abundance to me ? Because for a long time I kept feeling like it's this big financial end game and it's just not . Well , that's totally societal . It's living on a . You know , I want to have a house on the water and I want to be able to wake up and enjoy my coffee and stare at the water in the morning and at night and , yeah , have a little fire pit outside and just , oh my god , it just feels so good and be cozy with my man on the and me and mine will come and visit .

Speaker 2 16:51

Yeah , it just ah , so good .

Speaker 1 16:55

Yeah , so , so good , so fun . Well , we gots to go . We do gots to go , thanks to water yeah , I think I'm gonna change my shirt .

Speaker 2 17:06

I'm hot . It's freezing here today and I'm hot really since I baked my bread yesterday because the oven was on 450 for two hours .

Speaker 1 17:15

I forgot to talk about your bread .

Speaker 2 17:16

It looks delicious .

Speaker 1 17:23

It's pretty good . I'm really proud of myself . Okay , Really quick . So we talked about bread like a week or two ago and you were talking about getting your starter and ever since then it's popping up on my social media bread it's . I'm hearing it , it's coming in everywhere . Kathy was talking about it yesterday .

Speaker 2 17:39

The bread is everywhere . Do you know ? Did you hear my analogy of sourdough , though , like I was , I'm so proud of this . I said it to Donna and she was like you have got to talk about this as far as like in order to , because this whole thing for me has been like how to prioritize myself , and she's like , and I said me has been like how to prioritize myself , and she's like , and I said it's like having a sour dough starter .

Speaker 2 18:01

In order for me to keep my starter alive , I have to quote unquote feed it , which just means add flour and water every day or every week , depending on if you keep it in the fridge or not , it doesn't matter , but you have to keep feeding it , which means it continues to grow right , and so it gets bigger and bigger and bigger with every quote unquote feeding . And so then I either have to bake bread , give it away , bake bread for somebody else , blah , blah , blah . You have excess . Just by keeping it alive , I am going to have so much excess . And the same thing is true for us . The more we prioritize ourselves , the more we pour love into ourselves , the more we feed ourselves . There's just going to be excess for everybody else we're going to be able to help other people . We're going to have enough love for other people . We don't have to put our focus on the excess If I pay more attention to the excess , I would starve my starter and I wouldn't have anything for anybody .

Speaker 1 18:51

I love that Right . Yeah , it's all about the bread and the expansion , right .

Speaker 2 18:57

And there's always going to be excess when you start with yourself .

Speaker 1 19:01

Love it . Have a beautiful , beautiful day Much love .

Speaker 1 19:07

You too , go kick some ass .

Taking Responsibility for Your Emotions

Speaker 1 19:11

My cousin introduced me to Abraham about I don't know . It was probably like nine years ago . I wasn't really in a great space and it took me some time and then one day it just all finally clicked and I started really understanding the messages that were being conveyed through Abraham's teachings really implemented in my life .

Speaker 1 19:34

How I react and respond to things is completely my responsibility , and when I allow other people's behavior to impact me , that's where I need to look within and take responsibility for my own thoughts , feelings and emotions . And when you can focus on how you feel and have that be important to you and get yourself into alignment whether it's when you wake up , you know , checking in and like how do I want to feel today ? And I did that this morning it was amazing and my day has unfolded just beautifully and it's surprised and delighted me as it does every single day . But placing that responsibility on other people for how you feel , when you have that expectation , you're going to constantly be disappointed , because it's our job and we have to take personal responsibility for that and that's not always an easy thing to do . You'll hear me often say what's going on with other people has nothing to do with me and what's going on with me usually has nothing to do with other people . That is truly because when something happens , I check in with myself and I'm like what's really going on with me ? Am I upset about something ? Am I tired , am I hungry , am I disappointed with myself ? And once I got to a space where I was releasing the responsibility on other people for how I feel , that was a pretty massive shift for me .

Speaker 1 21:02

When you can focus yourself and get yourself into alignment and feel good I know I say that all the time , but it's also just for a moment the time , but it's also just for a moment what can you do to feel good for a moment when things are going off ? And sometimes just that better feeling thought that you're reaching for , or the interruption , you know , like the alarm that goes off to just kind of pull you back , to get you out of that spiral that you might be going down , to get you out of that spiral that you might be going down , but anything that you can do to raise your energy , raise your vibration . Maybe you're going for a walk , maybe you're listening to a song , maybe you're jumping up and down . You're changing the state of your mind for just a moment . And then that's why I say caring about how you feel is so important , because when you put that responsibility on other people , you're no longer in control of your life . When we allow other people's opinions and behaviors to impact how we feel , I mean it is you know that that's kind of how life is right . But when you can be in tune with yourself and know when you're feeling off and what you need to do to pull yourself back , that can make a huge difference in your day . Like I very much know when I don't feel like me or that I'm feeling off , and I know the things that I need to do to get myself back to feeling better and feeling good . So when you let people off the hook for being responsible for how you feel and really getting in tune with yourself , focus on getting yourself into alignment , you take power back in your life and we get what we believe we are a vibrational match for . We can say one thing but not really truly mean it within our heart and in our soul , and so that's what's going to come back to us . But when we can have our energy and our vibration match the words that we're saying and what we're putting out there , and that's when things really start to unfold and come together . One thing that abraham says in this episode if you choose to listen to it is you can say that I'm proud of you , but then you're really thinking you could do better , or I love you , but you're actually really disappointing me . So are your words and your actual inner thoughts and feelings and vibration . Do they match up ? And so when we say you're creating your own reality and you're getting what you expect , when you're not in alignment with your thoughts , feelings and emotions , then that's where the disconnect is .

Embracing the Journey of Growth

Speaker 1 24:04

In this episode , we also talked about enjoying the journey and , like I mentioned , I didn't really get what that meant for a really long time , really long time .

Speaker 1 24:21

And it's truly , truly about who you are becoming along the way and enjoying your time and the growth and the expansion and all of the goodness that happens as you're moving towards whatever you're wanting in your life , whatever your desire is , because you can have anything that your heart desires as long as you give up the belief that you can't have it . And so why not have as much fun and be as playful and have as much joy in every single day as you can while you're going down the path , because that's where the fun is and that's where the joy is . And I don't know about you , but for me , when I'm having fun and being playful and in a higher energetic state , things flow , the ideas flow , and the fun and the goodness and the joy and the feelings of just feeling good , of just feeling good and those you know , the hell , yes , that kind of stuff . That's what it's all about . So enjoy your journey and have a beautiful , beautiful day . Much love .