Boundaries – Honoring Yourself Without Guilt: Unapologetically You- Mini Series #3

Ever catch yourself saying yes when every part of you wants to scream no? You’re not alone. Boundaries are at the core of self-respect, yet so many of us struggle to set them—fearing disappointment, conflict, or even rejection.

In this third episode of Unapologetically You, we’re diving into the power of boundaries—not as a way to control others, but as a way to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. We’ll explore where you might need stronger boundaries, how to communicate them without over-explaining, and how to stand firm even when faced with pushback.

Here’s the truth: people who truly respect you will respect your boundaries. Those who don’t? Well, they likely benefited from your lack of them.

Let’s shift the fear of setting limits into the confidence of honoring yourself. Because no is a full sentence, and prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

Chapters

• 1:57 Welcome to Unapologetically You
• 2:40 What Boundaries Really Are
• 5:59 Identifying Where You Need Boundaries
• 7:05 Overcoming Guilt When Setting Limits
• 9:57 Communicating Boundaries Effectively
• 12:18 Practical Steps to Start Setting Boundaries
• 17:36 Setting Boundaries is Self-Care
• 19:02 This Week's Invitation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:59

Welcome back to the Pure Possibilities podcast. We are diving into episode three of the mini-series, unapologetically, you Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope you've been enjoying the mini-series. I had some really phenomenal feedback from last week's episode. If you haven't checked it out, please do. We talked about how your own approval is enough and that definitely there were some feelings being felt with that episode from several people. So please check it out and I hope you enjoy it. So we've talked about breaking free from external expectations and approval seeking, and today we are going to dive into boundaries.

Speaker 1: 1:42

Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways that you can truly, truly honor yourself, and yet so many of us feel completely uncomfortable and feel like it could even be impossible to do. Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no? Have you ever over explained yourself just to avoid disappointing somebody? I've definitely been guilty of that. Have you ever felt drained by relationships where you give more than you receive? If you answered yes to any of those, I have to tell you that you are not alone. Many of us have been taught that setting boundaries is selfish, it's rude, it's unnecessary, but honestly, the truth is, boundaries are an act of self-respect. They protect your time, your energy and emotional well-being so that you can truly, truly be the fullest expression of yourself. So today we're going to break down what boundaries really are and what they're not. Where you might need stronger boundaries in your life, how to overcome fear, guilt and maybe a little bit of discomfort that often comes along with setting boundaries. It's generally pretty uncomfortable when you first start doing it and learning how to communicate boundaries with confidence, without over explaining or apologizing. And, of course, we're going to close with a simple yet powerful practice to help you start reinforcing your boundaries. So let's dive into today's episode.

Speaker 1: 3:30

So boundaries aren't about controlling other people. They are literally about defining what isn't acceptable to you. It's about honoring yourself and what you need. Think of it as like your personal rule book and they communicate what you will and won't tolerate in different areas of your life. Maybe it's your time, energy, relationships, work, or just your own emotional space. Relationships, work or just your own emotional space. Boundaries can sound like I don't answer work emails after 7 pm or I need alone time to recharge, so I won't be available this weekend. I'm not comfortable discussing this topic. I won't tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully.

Speaker 1: 4:21

Boundaries are not ultimatums and they are not about controlling other people. They're about honoring yourself, not forcing other people to change. They are absolutely not selfish. Healthy boundaries can actually improve your relationships by creating mutual respect, and they are not always comfortable by any means. But the discomfort doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It means that you're growing, and so that's amazing, and over time, the discomfort generally lessens for the most part.

Speaker 1: 5:01

So how do you figure out where in your life you actually need to establish some boundaries? One of the best ways to identify where you need better boundaries is to look at how you're feeling. Where in your life do you feel exhausted, resentful or uncomfortable? What situations make you feel like your energy is being completely drained? What situations make you feel like your energy is being completely drained? Is there an area where you've been ignoring your own needs for the sake of keeping other people happy? Those are all signs that boundaries might need to be reinforced in your life.

Speaker 1: 5:37

One of the biggest reasons that people often don't want to set boundaries is guilt. They feel guilty. They're afraid that you're going to disappoint other people, that they're going to be seen as being difficult, selfish or even mean, and the potential of maybe losing a relationship because you set a boundary. But let's take a look at it from another perspective. Would you rather disappoint yourself over and over and over again or risk disappointing someone else so that you can honor your own needs? Here's the truth. People who respect you will respect your boundaries, and those who get upset by your boundaries often benefited from your lack of them, or maybe they have their own things that they need to work through. You can set boundaries with love, without guilt and without over explaining what you're doing.

Speaker 1: 6:42

There have been many times where I have set boundaries with people or with things in my life that I didn't even tell anybody about. I don't walk around saying I'm going to set a boundary. That's not something that I generally do. I have had times with people that I have had to say I am setting a boundary Instead of thinking setting this boundary is selfish. Maybe switch that up and reframe it to. Setting this boundary allows me to show up fully in my life and my relationships. So once you know where you need to set boundaries, the next step is communicating them If you feel like you need to, because, like I said, there are times where you don't necessarily need to tell anybody that you set a boundary. Maybe the boundary is just a commitment that you made to yourself about something, or maybe it's something that you're gonna start doing that you don't necessarily have to tell people.

Speaker 1: 7:39

Like when I started setting boundaries, when I was working I had email on my phone and there came a point where I took the email off my phone and I didn't check it when I wasn't at work. I checked my email when I was at work and I decided that for me it was energetically exhausting to check my email all the time and like it would pop up and I'd feel compelled and pulled to check it and it would pull me out of whatever I was in the middle of and be disruptive on my day off. And there were other times where I would like forget to mark something, to flag and follow up, and so I wasn't even being my best self at work because I was checking emails from home. Because I wasn't even being my best self at work because I was checking emails from home, because I wasn't actually doing the things that needed to be done, because I had already read it and didn't realize that I hadn't sent a reminder, and so then things would slip. I also knew that if something was actually an emergency, somebody would call me or text me, and so I didn't go around announcing it to everybody. It was just something that I did and, wow, did it feel good to know that I wasn't going to be interrupted constantly during my own time. Because, no matter what, when you're in the middle of doing something on your own time and you are putting energy into your work, it will absolutely pull you out of whatever you're in the middle of and it allows you to stay present in the moment of what's actually going on.

Speaker 1: 9:19

So here are three ways that you can actually set and communicate your boundaries. You can state the boundary clearly without over explaining. For example, I'm unavailable this weekend or I don't discuss politics at family gatherings. Then you hold the boundary firmly. If someone pushes back, repeat your boundary without justifying it. I understand you feel that way, but this is what I need. And then, following through, if you don't enforce your boundaries, people will assume that they don't matter. When you don't enforce your boundaries, people will assume that they don't matter.

Speaker 1: 10:00

As I mentioned earlier, I'm still working on setting boundaries with people, but another area that I set boundaries with I don't enjoy talking about politics. It's never fun for me, and so several years ago I stopped talking about politics, and when family or friends would bring up political discussions, I would remind them that those are not conversations that I choose to have, and sometimes people respect that and sometimes they don't, and then I don't participate in the conversation because it's not something that brings me joy and I have no desire to have those conversations. What not to do when you are setting your boundaries is don't over-apologize, I'm so sorry but or justify it I wish I could, but I have so much going on or backtracking out of discomfort. Okay, fine, I'll just do it this once.

Speaker 1: 10:56

So if you're looking to start integrating boundaries into your daily life, start with identifying one boundary to set this week. Maybe it's saying no to an invitation somewhere. Maybe it's leaving work at a set time, if you find that you're someone who stays later at work than you're scheduled to. Or maybe you work through your lunch every day and maybe you don't do that anymore, or at least for a couple of days. Or maybe try once this week. Maybe it's requesting alone time without guilt. And again, if this feels uncomfortable for you, like if you're getting a feeling in your body when I'm talking about this and you're like, oh, I don't think I can do that. Well, first of all, I know you can. Oh, I don't think I can do that. Well, first of all, I know you can. You're completely capable of doing this. And practice, practice saying it out loud. If this feels uncomfortable, go to a mirror and say I can't make it. But I hope you have a great time. I need some time to recharge.

Speaker 1: 12:05

Today, commit to yourself in holding the boundary, even when it feels uncomfortable. Each time you do it, you're going to become more confident and it will get a little bit easier, because what you want to do is respect yourself and ask for what you need and what's important for you, and doing these things it literally isn't selfish. It's caring for yourself, prioritizing yourself. I know that people often interpret that as being selfish, and it so isn't.

Speaker 1: 12:41

When we are caring for and tending to and prioritizing our wants, needs and desires, all it does is benefit the people around us, because we are happier, we're more at peace, we're not as stressed out, we're not as frantic, and you just don't have to be everything for everybody in your life. You just don't, and we put so much pressure on ourselves and you just don't and remember literally no is a complete sentence, and I've had moments where maybe somebody has asked me to do something and I go to respond like in a text and I started to type out all of the reasons why I'm not able to do it. And then again, awareness, I go back and I say thank you so much for the invitation, but I'm not going to be able to make it, or something along those lines, and you don't ever have to explain yourself, and so I would also invite you to avoid giving all the information as to why you're not able to do whatever you're being asked to do, literally because you're choosing not to is reason enough, whether you're tired, you're stressed, you just need a break. Whatever your reason is, that reason is enough, just like your approval is enough. You don't need to. It's not your job. It's not your job or your responsibility to take care of everybody else's feelings. Your job is to take care of you and make sure that you are doing what you need for you so that you're able to be the best version of yourself, for your partner, for your children, for anybody that's in your life, and remember that when you set a boundary, somebody isn't necessarily going to respond the way you expect them to, and when that happens, it doesn't mean that the boundary that you're setting is wrong.

Speaker 1: 14:47

I had a situation one time where I set a boundary with a friend. They honored and respected my boundary, and then I made up a story in my mind about how I thought they were mad at me, even though they were literally just respecting the boundary that I had set. So once I actually acknowledged that, I was like oh, that's literally what I asked for, and they respected it. So just make sure that you're clear with the boundaries that you want to set and then trust that you know what's best for you, and you can also change a boundary if it's not working for you. And you don't have to go around necessarily announcing that you're setting boundaries. You could just set them for yourself, maybe it's? I'm going to go to bed at a certain time every night. I'm going to choose to wake up at a certain time every morning so that I can to choose to wake up at a certain time every morning so that I can have some time for me before my kids wake up.

Speaker 1: 15:39

It could be just an agreement that you make with yourself and when you set a boundary, if you personally don't uphold that boundary, please be kind and compassionate to yourself and just check in and say, okay, how could I handle that situation differently next time? And it's so awareness, it's the awareness. All of this is awareness and paying attention to what do you need, what do you want. What do you need, what do you want, what do you desire? And when something comes up, acknowledging and choosing to maybe do something different the next time, or celebrating yourself for honoring whatever the decision was, whatever the boundary was. It's like this flow, but awareness is so important Awareness of how you feel, awareness of what you need, awareness when maybe you make a choice that you feel like you shouldn't have made or whatever. We're gonna be kind, we're gonna be loving, we're gonna be compassionate with ourselves because you matter and you're important and you are allowed to take up space, you are allowed to prioritize yourself and you are allowed to set boundaries and honor your needs. The more you practice, the more natural it's going to become and when you do, you'll notice that the right people will rise up to meet you. So this week, I invite you to set one small boundary, just one, and then watch what happens when you honor yourself that way and when you keep going. This is all small steps. We're not taking big, giant steps. They're just little steps and each time you make one you start to trust yourself, you gain the confidence and all of it helps you move forward with your growth.

Speaker 1: 17:45

And now I'm going to pull a card from the magic of what if? Card deck volume two, available on my website, pure possibilities podcastcom. Okay, this week, what if everything works out even better than I imagined? What a beautiful card. What if everything works out even better than I imagined? And doesn't that just go beautifully with setting boundaries and the fear that sits behind that. People are often afraid to set a boundary, but what if it works out even better than I imagined? I love it. Thank you for joining me on this beautiful, beautiful journey. And next time we're going to dive into overcoming self-doubt, trusting your inner voice, that inner wisdom inside of you, because it knows, it knows what's in your highest good. Until then, keep choosing you and remember that speaking your truth is your power, and when you take that back, it's magical. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week, much love.