The Lies We Tell Ourselves - Feel Good Again Series #3

Have you ever said “I’m fine” when you were anything but? This episode explores the quiet lies we tell ourselves to maintain appearances—and how those moments of self-betrayal disconnect us from what truly feels good.

Through personal stories, I share how performing the version of life others expected left me burnt out and out of alignment. Taking radical responsibility isn’t about blame—it’s about choosing honesty over illusion and gently reclaiming your truth.

Because when we pretend things are working when they’re not, we don’t just lose clarity—we lose ourselves.

Reflection Questions:

• Where in your life are you performing instead of truly living?
• What have you been pretending not to know?
• What would change if you were radically honest with yourself?

You don’t have to have all the answers—just the courage to tell yourself the truth.✨

Chapters

• 1:56 Welcome to Feel Good Again Series
• 2:53 Quiet Lies and Self-Abandonment Explained
• 4:43 Personal Examples of Self-Disconnection
• 8:37 Living Truth vs Performing Life
• 11:25 Invitation to Honest Self-Reflection
• 13:18 Card Pull and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:58

Welcome back to the Pure Possibilities podcast and the Feel Good Again series. I felt pulled to shift this week's episode as I reflected a little bit more on how often I brought up radical personal responsibility in last week's conversation and we actually touched on it a little bit in the Q&A, in the private podcast community on Facebook and as I sat with it podcast community on Facebook and as I sat with it something a little bit deeper emerged and I wanted to clarify something before we go a little bit further. Because radical personal responsibility isn't about blame, it's not about self-judgment, it's not about looking back at your life and shaming yourself for what you did or didn't do. It's about power and ownership and reclaiming your truth and reconnecting with what actually feels good for you. And then that led me into this powerful realization this week that one of the biggest reasons I believe that we stop feeling good is because of the quiet lies that we tell ourselves the self-abandoning, the self-betrayal, the lies about who we are, the lies about what we want, the lies we tell to make life more comfortable and digestible for others, even when it leaves us feeling disconnected from ourselves. This episode is about that.

Speaker 1: 2:35

Most of us at some point have put on a mask, put on a show performed for other people. We say we're fine when we're falling apart and miserable. We smile when we're pretending all is well. We go along with what's expected, even when it doesn't feel truly aligned for us. We pursue things we never actually wanted, because we thought we should, and the reason that we do that is because it's perceived as safer, because it keeps the peace, because we're afraid of what might happen if we actually tell the truth, and it's uncomfortable and it's unfamiliar. But here's the truth that I want you to hear today Performing your life isn't the same as living it. Performing your life, putting on a mask, pretending everything is fine when it's not, that's not the same as actually truly living, and it's really hard to feel good when you're out of alignment with what's real and true for you. So I wanted to share a couple of examples from my own life where I realized that I wasn't living in integrity with myself, and maybe you'll relate.

Speaker 1: 3:57

There was a moment when a major relationship ended in my life and I found myself really deeply reflecting on that, because I felt like my world was ending and because it actually was two very important relationships in my life and I wanted to blame, I wanted to make it all their fault. But as I looked a little bit closer, I saw how I had participated in my own disconnection from myself and there was a time where I knew. I knew deep down that it wasn't going to work, but I wasn't being honest with myself about it and I told myself stories about what I needed to do to make it work. I was going to make it. I was going to do all the things because, honestly, in that particular relationship which I'm not going to go into the details about but there was a huge part of me that felt like what are people going to think if I don't move forward with this Because of all of the choices that I had made in the past? It was like what are people going to think of me? And I know now that it shouldn't matter because it's my life and I get to decide. But at the time I wasn't in the space that I'm in now. So I convinced myself I didn't want certain things because wanting them felt inconvenient or uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 5:22

By doing that, I slowly disconnected from what I actually needed from me and another time showed up in my career. I had wanted to leave my job for quite some time and there was a point that I knew that I had outgrown the environment that I was in and it wasn't aligned with who I was becoming. I didn't feel good, I didn't feel like me, I felt trapped, I felt stuck and I was staying because of the money. And it was interesting because I had a couple of friends tell me you know, they're like, you're going to know, you're going to know when it's time. And I was like, well, how am I going to know? You know, how am I going to know? And I knew, like when that moment hit and I made that decision, I was feeling so out of alignment and so out of integrity with myself that I knew it was the decision that I needed to make. And now it's been almost three months since I left and I couldn't be happier. And it's fascinating to me that I spent over 30 years of my life in an industry and I walked away. And I don't miss it at all. I miss some of the people, but I don't miss the job. I don't miss all of the things going on. I don't miss it. And obviously everything that's happened in the past has brought me to where I am now, but that's just been something really. Huh, you know like wow, I stayed because it looked good on the outside, I stayed because it was safe, I stayed because I didn't want to disappoint people, and staying cost me something.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Now, I'm not suggesting that you run off and quit your job or end your relationship today, but what I'm saying is be honest with yourself, be honest about how you feel, be honest about what you want. Be honest about how you feel. Be honest about what you want. Be honest about what's no longer working for you, because if you aren't, you might wake up one day and realize you've traded years of your life for someone else's version of who you're supposed to be.

Speaker 1: 7:58

The lie that hurts the most is the one we tell ourselves when we know something isn't working, but we pretend it is. We pretend we don't want more, we pretend we're fine with less, we pretend we don't feel that nudge, that whisper, that desire that keeps knocking. But the desire doesn't go away because we ignore. It doesn't go away because we ignore it. It lingers. And the longer we pretend, the more disconnected we become, not just from our desires but from ourselves. So if you've been wondering why you don't feel good, ask yourself. Am I living in my truth or am I performing someone else's version of a good life? Does my life just look good on the outside and it doesn't feel good on the inside?

Speaker 1: 8:52

It's possible that this conversation is triggering or activating something in you, and it's meant to. It's meant to and I'm not asking or inviting you to overhaul and disrupt your life in all the ways, but sometimes just simply being honest with yourself about where you are and where you want to be allows you to give yourself permission to make some changes. Maybe it's have a difficult conversation, maybe it's taking one small step towards shifting a career. If that's what you're looking to do, whatever it is, it really does start with being honest with yourself, and when you do that, it really does release guilt and shame and judgment and it allows you to open up, to move towards the life you actually want to create for yourself. So if you need permission to stop performing, here it is. You don't have to be the person they expect you to be. You don't have to want the things you were taught to want. You don't have to shrink down and abandon yourself to keep the peace. You are allowed to want more. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to tell yourself the truth. Even if it disrupts things, even if people don't like it, even if it's messy, the truth will always reconnect you back to yourself.

Speaker 1: 10:27

So this week I invite you to reflect, and before we do this, I would invite you to place your hand on your heart and maybe close your eyes, if that feels comfortable, and take a deep breath in and hold it and slowly exhale. And one more time, take a deep breath in, hold it and release. Where in your life are you performing instead of living? What have you been pretending not to know? There's something about that. We will often answer I don't know. But the truth is you, do you know? You know the answer. You just don't want to admit it to yourself. And we say we don't know because it's safer, because it could change something. If you're honest with yourself or with other people in your life, honestly ask yourself how often do I say I don't know? When you really do know? What would you change if you are radically honest with yourself, not with judgment, not with shame, with love, with clarity, with compassion, because that is what brings you back to feeling good again.

Speaker 1: 12:10

So next week we will shift into how to raise your emotional frequency without ignoring what's real. But for now, we're going to pull a card from the magic of what if deck. Before I pull a card, I just wanted to say that I spent a lot of my life living it the way I thought other people wanted me to, and at the time I didn't realize that that was what I was doing. But now that I'm like on the other side of that and I'm actually living the life that I want to live, and I'm intentionally choosing and being very aware of how I feel and what I want and knowing that those things are possible for me, that's why I'm here. I want you to live your best life and a life that you actually love living, and not feel like you've wasted it.

Speaker 1: 13:11

Life is long and also very short, and we get one shot at this, you know. So right, the card for today is what if I allow myself to be more vulnerable in my relationships? Well, that's a juicy card for today. What would happen if you allowed yourself to be vulnerable in your relationships and speak your truth and be honest with yourself and the people in your life? Huh, and be honest with yourself and the people in your life and we'll leave it at that. I will see you next week, where we will shift into how to raise your emotional frequency without ignoring what's real and true for you. But for now, tell the truth, even if it's just to yourself. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.