The Masks We Wear - Do You Even Know Yourself Anymore? Mini Series Ep 2

In this week’s episode of the Do You Even Know Yourself Anymore? mini-series, we explore the masks we learn to wear - like the “good girl,” the overachiever, the people pleaser- and how they disconnect us from who we really are.

I also share a full-circle story about dancing, identity, nervous system regulation, and the freedom that comes from no longer needing to perform.

You’ll also hear a powerful card pull from The Magic of What If Deck:
✨ “What if I lovingly allow relationships to flow in and out of my life?”

Reflection Questions:

• What roles have I been playing that no longer feel like me?
• Who did I have to become to feel safe, accepted, or loved?
• What would it feel like to take off the mask—even just for one moment?

Let the answers come gently. Awareness is enough.

Chapters

• 1:57 Do You Even Know Yourself Anymore?
• 4:01 The Dancing Story: Self-Discovery Journey
• 9:07 Understanding Our Masks and Roles
• 15:37 Magic of What If? Card Reflection
• 17:33 Energy and Relationships: Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:59

Welcome back to the Pure Possibilities podcast. We are continuing with the new mini-series. Do you Even Know Yourself Anymore? Last week, we talked about those moments where life shifts and it happens either suddenly or slowly and you realize you don't even know who you are anymore, and sometimes it happens after an ending, or maybe you're just doing what you're supposed to do for so long and then one day you look around and you're like who is this person? I don't even know who I am anymore, and I invited you to simply to just start noticing if this might be true for you by getting honest with yourself. So we have other people on our path on our journey in our life. Relationships everywhere right path on our journey in our life. Relationships everywhere right.

Speaker 1: 1:50

However, what I'm asking you to do, or inviting you to do, is to really start cultivating the relationship with yourself, because these conversations that we're having, these are deeply personal and intimate, and it's to help you get to know yourself again, and I know that when we make decisions in our life, it obviously impacts people around us. However, we really need to be honest with ourselves about what we actually want in our life and the life that we want to live if we're interested in creating the life that we want to live, because that is something that we get to do, and so when I say this is about you and you, and if you're not honest with yourself about where you're at and where you'd like to be, then nothing is ever going to change. You're just going to stay exactly where you are, and if you're okay with that, then that's fine too. But in order for something to change, we have to be honest with ourselves. So today we're going to go a little bit deeper into something that a lot of times, we don't realize we're doing until we pause long enough to notice. But before we do, I want to share a story. That's kind of a full circle moment for me.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Actually, I was doing the live Q&A in the podcast community on Friday, and something came up about dancing. We all know I love to dance. I haven't always loved to dance, though, and I had started probably seven or eight years ago. I started listening to music when I was getting ready in the morning, and then, as time passed, I started to kind of really start to move my body, and I didn't know why I was doing it, other than it felt good and I enjoyed it enjoyed it. And now I have a clear understanding that I started doing it because it felt good. And now I know that we are energetic beings and we are energy, and so moving the energy allowed me to feel better and it jump-started my day and it kept me in a higher vibration throughout the day. And so when I was talking in the community on Friday, it kind of occurred to me that I did it because it felt good. And now I understand why. Because we don't always need to know why we're feeling the way we're feeling. Understand why because we don't always need to know why we're feeling the way we're feeling, but it feels really good when you're like oh, it makes sense that I'm moving energy in my body, I'm clearing trauma because I'm moving my body and feeling good.

Speaker 1: 4:40

And then I realized that as I continued, I used to really worry about, like, what people would think of me, because I felt like I was a really bad dancer and because I started dancing by myself in my bathroom, I started to really feel the music Like I love music, I've always loved music I used to listen to. I mean, I don't have a lot of memories of my childhood, but when I was little. I do remember my parents pulling out the records and we would listen to music all the time. But I used was little. I do remember my parents pulling out the records and we would listen to music all the time. But I used to be really worried about what people would think about how I danced, because I felt really judgmental about myself and how I was dancing and I honestly assume that most people really don't care, because they're worried about what I'm thinking about, what they're doing, rather than worrying about what I'm actually doing. So anyway. So it occurred to me that because I have continued to do this practice that feels good for me and I feel into the music and I feel the music in my body when I'm dancing, that now when I go out into a public place and music is playing, I am much more confident in myself and my dancing. So I'm not judging myself anymore and also I don't care if other people think I'm not a good dancer, because I'm feeling the music and enjoying myself and having such a good time.

Speaker 1: 6:03

And so then Friday night I was at a music in the park and that was really fun. And then Saturday night I was at a concert and they were in between sets and I was standing like in the aisle talking with my sister and my brother-in-law and one of the people behind us said well, if you're going to stand, you got to dance. I was like, okay, so I started dancing and then his wife said she's like I don't really like to dance. I think she said I'm worried about what other people are going to think and I said you know what? They don't care. I said just get up and move your body. Nobody's paying any attention and honestly, they're worried about what you're thinking, about what they're doing, so move your body. And so I just loved that.

Speaker 1: 6:42

It all just kind of came around that I realized I started dancing because it felt good. It was something that I didn't know, that I loved doing, because the older version of me, my previous identities, did not do that, because I was so worried about what other people were thinking and I was so out of touch with what I actually enjoyed and what I loved that now, getting to know myself over the years, I realized that I love doing that I'm actually regulating my nervous system as I dance and clearing trauma out of my body, and I also don't care what people think about how I dance and so I am living and dancing and enjoying myself and it's amazing. So my ultimate point here is as you continue to get to know yourself and learn things about yourself by trying new things, it ultimately ends up, like you realize, down the road you're like oh, that's why I was doing that. It was just a really neat moment for me to kind of have it all click, because sometimes we don't get it right away and then when it all comes together it's like, oh, wow, that's really incredible. And so this morning I got up and I danced. I danced yesterday. I dance all the time and because it just feels good, I highly, highly recommend. Okay.

Speaker 1: 8:05

So now we're going to dive into today's episode. We're going to talk about the masks and the roles that we learn to wear and the way we shape ourselves to feel safe, accepted, loved or to feel like we belong. These are things that we usually learn pretty young or in moments of trauma, stress or pressure. You might have learned to be the strong one, the quiet one, the caretaker, the overachiever, the good girl. I definitely remember that when I was younger. Be a good girl, the person who never needs anything and the one who keeps everyone else happy, and it generally starts as protection, because our mind and body are trying to keep us safe, and then over time it becomes our identity. So there's nothing wrong with you for adapting. It's literally your body trying to protect you and keep you safe, and those identities were strategies to help you navigate the world that you were living in, and it probably worked for a really long time.

Speaker 1: 9:15

But at some point that mask we have on it starts to feel really heavy and then they start to disconnect us from who we really are underneath the mask. So you start to notice that you're really putting on a performance and maybe you don't notice this, but you start to notice that you're performing instead of being, and you often become exhausted and resentful from constantly showing up as a version of you that doesn't really feel like you. One thing that I feel like is really interesting about the masks that we wear. I'm going to use people pleasing, because that is one that really impacts a lot of people, and we will often step into people pleasing to make sure that everyone else around us is okay and that they're safe and that they're taken care of and we don't want to upset them or cause any conflict. And also, it's important to remember that the people that you're trying to please didn't ask out of you.

Speaker 1: 10:27

And then you're going down a space of abandoning yourself and what you want, what you desire, just to make other people happy, which then also turns into frustration, anger, resentment, anger, resentment, and because you are portraying a version of yourself that isn't actually true to who you are and it disconnects you from yourself. And, believe me, you are not alone, like we all. I truly believe we all have at least moments in our life where we are a people pleaser, moments in our life where we are a people pleaser, and I think, acknowledging that, it kind of goes along with the stories that we create, because I could create a story that if I don't do something for a particular person to make them happy, that they're going to be upset with me, and then I can create a whole story around that, and then that's not actually what's true. It's a story that I've made and I've created that story and also abandoned myself in the process by not asking for what I needed and pleasing other people instead of taking care of what I need, and then I abandoned myself and get frustrated with myself and then talk shit to myself, and then I abandon myself and get frustrated with myself and then talk shit to myself, and then I projected onto the people around me because I'm blaming them, because I'm choosing to be a people pleaser. So do you see, a people pleaser, that they didn't even ask me to be in the first place. I decided that that was what they needed from me.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Oh, it's so interesting how it all. It's literally us creating our own suffering, and the most beautiful part of that is that we have the ability to change it, and it's so important that you know that you're not alone. We have the ability to change it, and it's so important that you know that you're not alone. And when we start to have the awareness and can catch ourselves when we're doing that, then that's where the magic happens. So we're not ripping off your mask overnight.

Speaker 1: 12:36

I'm asking you to be aware and pause for a moment before you say yes to something that you like in your gut, you know tells you no, and start to honor the feelings that come up for you about what actually feels good and true for you, rather than just defaulting into that people pleasing mode, for example, if that's a protection mechanism that you have created. So it's about asking is this identity I'm carrying actually mine, or did I pick it up to feel safe in a world that didn't always see or hold the real me? It's about getting curious, not judging, not rushing to fix everything right now, because this is is. This is just a journey and a path, and I know that people are often looking for like a quick fix or for everything to just be better overnight or, you know, in a short term. But this is an ongoing journey and part of the fun is enjoying your path and I actually get really excited when something comes up and I have an awareness about.

Speaker 1: 13:54

I've had something. Some childhood things come up recently for me and the fact that I had the awareness of something from my childhood and I could relate to how it's showing up in the adult version of me. I was really proud of that and I realized how it was showing up in my adult life, which allows me the opportunity to move through that and work through what that is that's been coming up to the surface through my subconscious. So once you're aware, that's when you can move through it and things can change for you. So, okay, we are going to pause for a moment here and pull a card from the Magic of what If?

Speaker 1: 14:44

Card deck, volume two, and they are available on my website, purepossibilitiespodcastcom or purepossibilitiesnet. Actually, if you haven't checked out, I have an online store now and you can click on the link for that. It's in the show description. It's really cool. Click on the link for that. It's in the show description. It's really cool. Fun what if? Merch mugs, candles, journals, hats, all kinds of good stuff. So check it out if you haven't, but for now I am going to pull a card.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Okay, so today's card. What if I lovingly allow relationships to flow in and out of my life? Lovingly allow relationships to flow in and out of my life? That kind of goes along with the masks now, doesn't it? Because we often step into a different identity with the people in our life in order to feel loved, appreciated, adored, accepted. Loved, appreciated, adored, accepted. And what if? It's okay if people flow in and out of your life, not in a bad way, but in a, you know, as you grow and expand and evolve. I mean, like I'm not the same person I was when I was 20. I'm 50 now. Do you know what I mean? And so some of those relationships that I had when I was 20, they're. They're not. You know, those people aren't necessarily in my life anymore, and that's okay, because we grow and evolve and people come in and out of our life for various reasons and seasons and we learn and grow from the people that are in our life and sometimes they're just not meant to be here forever. So that's a beautiful card for today. Actually, I love that. All right.

Speaker 1: 16:34

So we're going to wrap up with a couple of reflection questions. This week. I'm going to invite you to slow down and get curious about your identity. What roles have I been playing that don't feel like me anymore? Who did I have to become to feel safe, accepted or loved? What would it feel like to take off the mask, even just for one moment? Allow the answers to come up and definitely don't overthink them, like once you get into your thinking logical mind, then I would, I would step back and just remember. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. This is simply awareness, and once we become conscious and aware of how we're showing up in our life, it it really. I mean I talked earlier about it being a really. You know, this is your relationship with you and you and also when you focus on how you feel, how you're showing up and what's important for you, it ripples out to the people in your world.

Speaker 1: 17:49

I always say that when someone compliments your energy, it is one of the highest compliments you can ever receive, and over the last week I've had multiple people tell me that they enjoy being around me, they love my energy and that shifts to the people around you. So it may feel a lot of times people feel like it's really selfish to do work on myself because I have all of these other responsibilities and obligations. And how is my family going to react? How are the people in obligations? And you know how is my family going to react? How are the people in my world, my job, my whatever.

Speaker 1: 18:29

But when you connect back to yourself and what's important for you and how you feel, it absolutely impacts the people in your life and your energy. Your energy is contagious to the people around you, and so when you are living your fullest, then the people that you're, you're reflecting back to the people in your life and giving them permission to do the same, to be their truest, most authentic self. And when people know that they can be their true self around you. Then, like my dancing story, you start to realize that it's okay to just be me. It's okay to just be me, and when we, we don't want to expect other people to change. So we feel better.

Speaker 1: 19:38

So we need to do the work. We need to do the work on ourselves, and then that invites the people in our life to make themselves a focus and fill their cup and do the things for themselves that feel good, and then the only thing that does is improve all of our relationships with each other. All right, each other, all right. So next week we're going to talk about what disconnection can actually look like in our day-to-day life, how it shows up in our body, in our choices, in our relationships, and the small ways that we can begin to reconnect with ourselves. Until next week, breathe, be gentle with yourself and know that you are so much more than the masks you've had to wear. Hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.