What If You’ve Outgrown Who You Thought You Had to Be? Do You Even Know Yourself Anymore? Mini Series Ep 7

In this episode of the Do You Even Know Yourself Anymore? series, we’re looking at identity and self-worth - the roles, labels, and expectations we’ve carried that may no longer reflect who we really are.

Maybe you’ve known yourself as someone’s mom, someone’s partner, or someone’s job title. But when those roles shift, it can leave you wondering: Who am I now? And beneath that question is an even bigger truth - your worth was never meant to be tied to any role in the first place.

I share my own experiences of untangling identity from motherhood, marriage, and career, and the lessons I’ve learned about reclaiming self-worth as my birthright - not something earned through doing, pleasing, or performing.

💜 Reflection Questions:

• What roles or labels have I been defining myself by?
• How do those roles connect to my sense of worth?
• Where might I be outsourcing my value instead of claiming it within myself?
• What would it mean to be worthy just by being - not by doing?

Chapters

• 1:57 Continuing "Do You Even Know Yourself?"
• 3:06 Identity and Self-Worth Connection
• 4:15 When Roles Define Your Identity
• 6:12 Reflection Questions for Self-Discovery
• 9:49 Staying Present in Transitional Moments
• 11:49 Looking Forward and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:59

Welcome back to the Pure Possibilities podcast. We are continuing our mini-series. Do you Even Know Yourself Anymore? Last week we talked about the beliefs we carry, the evidence we collect and how easy it is to stay stuck in those freaking loops until awareness gives us power to choose differently. And today we're going to go a little bit deeper, into what those beliefs eventually shape our identity and our sense of self-worth.

Speaker 1: 1:25

Have you ever asked yourself who am I? I don't even know who I am anymore, and maybe you've even said I don't even recognize myself. Usually, that's not just about external circumstances. It's about realizing the roles, the labels and the expectations the personal expectations as well as perceived external expectations that you've been living by and how they may not actually reflect the truest version of who you are. So today we're exploring what if you've outgrown who you thought you had to be? Let's talk a little bit about identity. Grown who you thought you had to be, let's talk a little bit about identity.

Speaker 1: 2:08

Identity is simply the lens through which you see yourself in the world, and it's the combination of roles you play, labels you've worn, the stories you believed and the expectations you've internalized. And somewhere along the way we begin to link our identity with our worth. I'm valuable if I'm useful. I'm lovable if I don't make waves or cause a disruption. I belong if I keep everyone else happy and I matter if I achieve more. The problem with this is that none of those things are who you actually are. They are who you learn to be in order to feel safe, accepted or loved.

Speaker 1: 2:53

One of the clearest examples for me was motherhood. When my son was younger, I was always Logan's mom. I volunteered a lot and whether it was in the classroom or he played baseball for years and I ran the stack shack and I was the scorekeeper, the volunteer, and I loved doing it. And I also didn't realize at the time how much of my identity was wrapped up in that role, even as it's actually really funny, because even as he got older, there have been certain circumstances where I'm like hi, I'm Logan's mom, like hello, shannon, you actually do have your own identity. You're not just Logan's mom. And when I was married before I was so-and-so's wife and later I was the general manager and that role became my whole life for like 24 years, out who I am, when I'm not a theater manager and I'm not a mom with an adult child at home. You know who am I now and I said you are who you always have been, and I don't know that.

Speaker 1: 4:12

I feel that that's true because after leaving my career, you know no-transcript. You feel this sense of loss and grief of who you were in that space and maybe you've experienced that. I assume that you've experienced this too. Like a relationship ends, a career changes, or you simply just realize that you're going through the motions of your life and it doesn't really feel like your own anymore, and I mean that can happen when you have a baby, that can happen when you get married, it can happen in all kinds of different scenarios in your life. Or you simply realize you've been just going through the motions of your life and it doesn't feel like yours.

Speaker 1: 5:20

Those moments can be really hard because they shake our sense of identity and they're also invitations. Mark Groves has a quote that I love. We have two fundamental needs as humans authentic self-expression and belonging. But if our authentic self-expression threatens belonging, belonging wins. That's what happens when we shape, shift, ourselves into someone. We're not just to feel safe, accepted or loved and the cost is that we completely abandon ourselves and, honestly, your worth, our worth, isn't tied to those roles or labels, and it never was, was it just happens?

Speaker 1: 6:07

I want to pause here and invite you to reflect. What roles or labels have I been defining myself by? How do those roles connect to my sense of worth? Where might I be outsourcing my value instead of claiming it within myself? And what would it mean to be worthy just by being, not by doing? You don't have to answer all of these questions all at once. Just allow yourself to sit with them and notice what comes up. I've been finding recently that just the awareness alone allows me the opportunity to start reconnecting with myself. And you know when I was having that conversation with my friend and they said you are who you've always been. You know you're amazing and just keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing.

Speaker 1: 7:07

And while I appreciate that and I do believe that to be true there was definitely a sense of loss and grief that went along with losing those parts of myself and trying to figure out who I am now. You are not just the roles that you play, you're not just the labels that you have worn, and your worth and your wholeness are not up for debate. You are truly valuable and worthy, just as you are not attached to any of those identities, are not attached to any of those identities. We all have these various identities within us that are asking us to move forward into the highest, most magnificent version of ourselves, and I'm really learning as I continue to live in conscious awareness I guess is a good way to put it. Like, when the things come up, they truly invite that opportunity to step forward or step back, and I know I talked about that last week, but it's just becoming more and more prevalent for me and it wasn't something that I really understood before until I started having these things come up and I'm realizing what I'm allowing to hold me back and I would invite you to like you know, if you're here, since you're here, I assume that you're on your own personal growth path, and it really is. It's about the noticing and the awareness and allowing those to be invitations. And maybe in this moment you don't take the invitation to step forward, but you realize what might actually be holding you back. And maybe it is just a story in your mind, and maybe it's a old program or belief or something that's generational, that might not even be yours, that you're carrying but as you become aware and noticing that invites you, the next time it happens, to make a different choice or make a different decision.

Speaker 1: 9:24

All right, we're going to pull a card from the Magic of what If, card deck volume two, available on my website, purepossibilitiespodcastcom or shoppurepossibilitiesnet. Okay, today's card. What if I allow myself to relax into the present moment? What if I allow myself to relax into the present moment Anytime you're feeling untethered or in that in between space? Take a moment to pause and look around and ground yourself into the present moment. What do you see, what do you feel, what do you smell, what do you taste? And that anchoring it keeps you out of the worry of the future or the stress of the past or the stress of the future. And when you can be in the present moment, it's magical. It really is, you know. Look at the trees and the sun and the beauty and whatever you have in this present moment.

Speaker 1: 10:33

As you move through this week, I invite you to notice where might you be confusing your worth with a role that you've outgrown? And what if you gave yourself permission to step into something more true, more aligned and more of you? This is an opportunity to get to know yourself again. Who are you now, in this present moment. Next week we're going to keep going by looking at practical ways to start reconnecting with the truest version of you, beyond the old labels, the old beliefs and old stories. It's going to be another powerful conversation and I can't wait to share it with you. Until then, breathe, show yourself grace and remember you are more than who you thought you had to be. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.