The Things We Don’t Talk About During the Holidays

In this bonus holiday episode, I'm getting real about the parts of the season no one talks about - the grief, the pressure, the overwhelm, the changing traditions, and the silent stories she witnessed during 30 years working in the movie theatre industry. I share what those years taught me about humanity, belonging, and why so many of us feel emotional whiplash in December.

If the holidays feel heavier than they look on Instagram, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone… and that honoring your truth is the most powerful gift you can give yourself this season.

This is your invitation to join me for Calm-ish Through the Holidays, a FREE, virtual 90-minute workshop designed to help you navigate the season with more honesty, compassion, and groundedness - so you can stay with yourself instead of slipping into old patterns. Click the link to register and save your spot!  https://programs.purepossibilities.net/Calm-ish-through-the-holidays

Chapters

• 0:00 Naming The Holiday Whiplash
• 2:41 Lessons From 30 Years In Theaters
• 6:12 The Hidden Stories In The Seats
• 9:59 Why Performing Joy Hurts The Body
• 12:33 Staying With Yourself, Not Performing
• 15:20 A Five Percent Lighter Choice

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:58

Welcome back to the Pure Possibilities Podcast. I wanted to drop in with a quick little bonus episode because we are stepping into that time of year where everyone pretends that they're fine and no one actually is. And since we are all about truth here, the real vulnerable body-based truth, I want to talk about the things that we don't talk about during the holidays. Not the cozy, glittery parts, the actual messy, uncomfortable. Why does this season feel like emotional whiplash parts? So let's dive into this juicy topic. I have been having a lot of thoughts around the holidays because this is my first year that I haven't been working at a movie theater. And I spent over 30 years working on the holidays. And you get a different perspective when you're in that environment. And we were open every day of the year. And so my own relationship with the holidays shifted a lot through the years. And I went from being frustrated, angry, and resentful to actually appreciating the fact that I was there and we were open and able to be there for people. And there's something about the holidays that will show you everything about humanity if you're paying attention. It's interesting because since the theater is open every day of the year, the holidays actually tended to be some of our busiest days. Christmas Day is often one of the busiest days of the year in the movie theater industry, if you were unaware of that. And new movies always come out. And you would think that theaters would be full of families with matching pajamas and big cheerful energy. And yes, sometimes it is. And also, there are people who don't have anywhere else to go. There are people that are grieving. There are people who are escaping a house full of tension. There are people who don't feel comfortable even at their own table or avoiding it altogether because they don't want to spend time with their family. And there's some there who just want a little peace in a dark room with popcorn because being with people feels heavy and overwhelming. And every year I would hear stories. There was something about the honesty that would come forth from people that they likely never said out loud anywhere else. But to a stranger who they may never see again, it felt safe, or at least I felt safe for them to open up to. And I mean, there would be people coming in, you know, frantically buying last-minute gift cards because everybody loves going to the movies. And just that, like I could see the frustration and the stress and the exhaustion. And the things that they would share were also very heartfelt. And honestly, the holidays just really looked different for a lot of people. Some would come to the theater because they didn't want to be alone. Some would come because they needed to be alone. Some were grieving because people aren't here with them anymore. Some were avoiding family because the dynamics felt incredibly suffocating. Some would go because they have to, not because they wanted to. I mean, that was kind of something that came up a lot. It was like people want to spend time with their family or know they have to, but they don't actually want to have a conversation. And so if you go to a movie, you can be there and not have to talk to anybody. And there are also some who would come in because it was their tradition. It was just something that they always did. And some people are just trying to get through the day without falling apart. And nobody wants to talk about it because it's supposed to be the most wonderful time of year. But you can't just fake it all the time and not have it have an lasting impact on your body and your nervous system. You can't gratitude or journal your way out of grief or pretend out of resentment or smile so big and hard enough that it overrides that tight constrictive feeling in your chest. And honestly, you shouldn't have to. Every holiday season, I'd have people coming in and talking about traditions changing and families changing and relationships changing and their sense of belonging changing, or they felt guilty for not feeling festive. And what I learned is that people don't struggle through the holidays because they're dramatic. People struggle because the season magnifies everything that they're already carrying. The grief gets louder, the stress gets heavier, old patterns resurface, family expectations tighten, our inner child shows up, our nervous system remembers. And instead of talking about it, we put on a performance and we fake it. We smile, show up, bake, host, and we pretend like we're fine even when we're not. And now, because I'm no longer in the theater industry, here's what I know now, based off of my experiences and what I teach is that the answer isn't to fake it. It is not to disappear in all of the chaos. It is not to become the emotional manager of the season. The answer is learning how to stay with yourself and not abandon yourself. Staying with yourself might look like choosing to not engage in the same old family patterns, giving yourself permission to leave early, letting people be a little bit disappointed, not forcing conversations you don't have the capacity for, not being responsible for everyone else's holiday experience, honoring your own grief, joy, and exhaustion, giving yourself space without guilt. It's not about being perfectly calm, it's about not abandoning yourself. And sometimes the win is simply choosing the path that feels five percent lighter or five percent more fun, five percent more of you. So I would like to invite you to take a deep breath for a moment and notice without judgment, notice what lands for you. Close your eyes if that feels comfortable and safe to do so, or soften your gaze and take a deep breath in, hold it and release. What part of the holidays bring up the most tension in your body? Is there a tradition you keep doing even though it no longer feels aligned? What would change if you let yourself be honest this year? Not fixing, not analyzing, just noticing your body always tells the truth. It's interesting. I think a couple of weeks ago I mentioned like, what if there was an annual family tradition or something that you did all the time? And what if you brought up to your family that, hey, what if we tried something different this year? And everybody else was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much for actually saying something because we have dreaded this or didn't like it or didn't enjoy it or whatever has changed over the years. Like, what if you stepping into your boldness and your bravery and your courageousness and your authenticity and sharing how you actually feel about something? What if that changed the entire dynamic and everybody actually enjoyed themselves more than ever because you were brave enough to speak up and speak your truth? How would that feel? I wanted to give a little bit of background as to why the holiday season has been coming up for me in a different way. Like I've been just kind of thinking about the fact that I'm gonna be able to like do all the things that everybody else got to do that I never got to do because I was always working. And then I started reflecting on how I have experienced the holidays and the interactions I've had with people over the years. And so that is what prompted a free workshop that I'm offering called Calm Ish Through the Holidays. And if you're wanting to navigate the season with more honesty, more compassion, more groundedness, and less of the emotional whiplash, please come and join me. It's a 90-minute session. I'm actually offering two of them to allow people more of an opportunity to be able to join me live. And when you click on the registration link, you can select which time slot works for you. And if neither work, but you're still interested in learning more about what I have to share to help you ease through your holidays, go ahead and register, and there will be a limited time replay available. In these sessions, I'm going to share practical, real-world ways to stay with yourself, even when things are chaotic and stressful, noisy, emotional. And we'll talk about navigating family dynamics, dealing with expectations, setting boundaries, staying connected to yourself instead of shutting down, creating calm-ish moments that actually will help you, and releasing the pressure to perform with all of the holiday joy, you know, on top of everything you're already dealing with on a daily basis. And I'm also going to be including what I call love seat coaching. So if you have a real situation that you would like some support with, you can bring it and everyone else will benefit. Anytime I do group coaching, the people in the room all benefit from whatever the situation is that I'm coaching an individual on. So the first session is being offered on Saturday, November 22nd at 9 a.m. Pacific, 12 o'clock Eastern. The second session is on Tuesday, November 25th at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 o'clock Eastern. The link to register is in the show description. Please join me. It's 90 minutes. Take that time for yourself. You deserve it, and it will be incredible. And I truly hope that it will allow you to have the opportunity to enjoy your holidays rather than stressing your way through it. So wherever you are this season, whether you're excited, exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed, or completely neutral, your experience is valid. You don't have to fake being festive. You don't have to earn rest. You don't have to hold the emotional weight of everyone else this holiday. You don't have to pretend everything is okay. You get to honor your truth, your body, your energy, your capacity, your needs, your joy, and your pain. And comish is more than enough. I didn't want to do an episode without bringing in the magic of what if card pull. So I'm gonna pull a card from the magic of what if deck. Volume two, available on my website, pure possibilitiespodcast.com under shop. And today's card is what if this is the moment I've been waiting for? What if this is your moment? What if this is your moment to take back your power and your presence? Like not presence, like gifts, but your presence as in the present moment. That gift to yourself. What if this is the moment you've been waiting for? Love it. The universe always has my back on these cardboards. Imagine how different this holiday season could feel. I hope you will join me and register with the link in the show description. And if I don't see you there, I will definitely be back next week with a new series on relationships, which I'm really excited to share. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.