Feeling Deeply Without Drowning (Ep# 12 Relationship Series)

We’ve been going deep into the relationship series - honesty, alignment, resentment, compatibility. But relationships aren’t just about partners or friendships. They’re also about many things, including how we relate to grief, to heaviness, and to the world around us.

In this episode, I share a personal experience that unexpectedly brought up old emotions after the passing of actor Eric Dane from ALS. What began as grief turned into a deeper reflection on presence, resilience, and the importance of protecting your nervous system when the world feels heavy.

This is a conversation about processing emotions without letting them consume you - about allowing grief and joy to coexist.

You’ll hear reflections on:

• How grief can stack unexpectedly
• The difference between processing and marinating in heaviness
• Recognizing when you’re emotionally flooding yourself
• Regulating your nervous system without bypassing reality
• Allowing micro moments of joy without guilt

Joy doesn’t cancel grief. It nourishes your nervous system and your capacity to stay present in your life.

✨Reflection Questions✨

• When I feel consumed by things outside of me, what happens in my body?
• What is one small way I can regulate and reconnect to the present moment today?
• What does a micro moment of joy feel like for me - and am I giving myself permission to experience it?

You are allowed to feel deeply. And you are also allowed to protect your peace.

Transcript

Reframing Relationships Beyond People

Shannon 0:00

Welcome back. You're listening to the Pure Possibilities podcast. I'm your host, Shannon. We have been in a very deep stretch of the relationship series talking about honesty, alignment, resentment, and compatibility. And today we are still in that space. But today's episode is going to be a little bit different because relationships aren't just about partners or friendships. They're also about how we relate to the world, how we relate to grief, how we relate to heaviness, how we relate to our own nervous system when something outside of us hits unexpectedly. And last week, something did hit for me. If you've ever watched Gray's Anatomy, you may be familiar with actor Eric Dane. Earlier last year, he was diagnosed with ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease, which is a brutal disease that slowly takes away your muscle control and eventually takes your life. And it usually happens pretty quickly. When I first heard about his diagnosis, I was pretty devastated knowing the battle that he had ahead of him. When I was, I don't know, I think I was 17 or 18, I had a boss whose wife was diagnosed with ALS, and it brought all of that back. I just remembered how quickly the disease took over her body and watching her completely not have any control over her speech. She had been a really active woman and just watching it take over her body and her ability to move, it was it was devastating. And so a couple of weeks ago, Eric Dane ended up passing away. And when I heard that he died, I was a lot more upset than I expected. And apparently I haven't processed all of those emotions because even just talking about this is um drawing some emotion out of me. So like I said, when I heard that he actually passed away, I was a lot more upset than I expected. And it certainly wasn't because I knew him personally, but because I know how brutal ALS is. And it takes away your life in just like this cruel way. And having witnessed that up close when I was younger, my body responded to that immediately. And I had this flood of emotions. And it was interesting because the day after he passed away, I saw that there was a Netflix series that was released called Famous Last Words. And my first response to that was, oh my God, can you guys like give it a minute? He just died yesterday. I was, however, unfamiliar with the series, and the intention was to air it after he passed away. And so that was recorded in November, and then he passed away the middle of February. I cried and I cried and I cried, and it was like this full-on, you know, people talk about like ugly crying. It was ugly crying, and it was pretty intense, but I felt like I just needed to release, like I just allowed myself to cry. So if you haven't seen the series yet, there was a segment at the end where he was expressing some thoughts to his daughters, and he shared four things that the disease had taught him. And one of those things that he said was that ALS might be slowly taking his body, but it would never take his spirit. And that was so beautiful because to be dealing with such a horrific disease and not allow it to take away your spirit is incredible strength and resilience. And it was just a really beautiful message to share. And then he went on to talk about learning to live in the present, which he admitted was very difficult for him for years. He said that he would wander off mentally, replaying decisions, second-guessing himself, like staying in that self-pity and shame. And he felt like he shouldn't have done that. And I mean, honestly, how many of us do that? You know, we go down this path of feeling sorry for ourselves, how often are you staying present in the actual moment and allowing yourself to truly live and be present with what's going on right now? And how can I truly live my best life in this moment? You know, we can stay in that shoulda, woulda, coulda mindset. But all of the things that are happening in our life are experiences we can learn and grow from. It doesn't always feel like that in the moment, but we can, whatever experience you're having. And then he talked about falling in love, not necessarily with a person, although he did recommend that, but falling in love with something, finding your passion, finding your joy, that thing that makes you want to get up in the morning. And he talked about finding your people and letting them find you and giving yourself to them and allowing the best of them to give back without conditions. And then he finally talked about fighting, fighting with dignity, fighting until your last breath, and listening to that, again, knowing how horrific his disease was that he was battling, was just the message was so massively impactful. And it was all over social media. And even though the message was for his daughter, like that such a beautiful message to share with the world, it really resonated with people because, in the face of something so devastating, he was talking about presence, about love, about connection, about joy, and not from a space of denial, but as he was choosing to stay alive inside of his life. And what's interesting is the things that that people go back to when they're dying. And what if we took that perspective and that view and that lens of looking at our life right now while we're here rather than when we're dying? I mean, that grief, it can grief can really hit us. And sometimes the world feels really heavy more often than not these days, and the news can be relentless. And sometimes you're in a space of processing your own life, and then something outside of you like pulls you in to these emotions that you weren't expecting. And the important part that I really want to emphasize is that it's healthy to feel, that it's important to process, it's important to express your emotions and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. And also, that being said, it's possible that we will sometimes allow it to consume us. And that's what I want to talk about today. Things are going to happen outside of us all the time. We cannot escape being human. There are things going on globally, politically, astrologically, medically, socially, and personally. And if we're not careful, we can live in a constant state of absorbing and taking that all in, scrolling, reading, watching, feeling. And before we realize it, our body is in a state of constriction all day long. Tight chest, shallow breath, your jaws clenched. And we think that we're just staying informed about what's going on, but sometimes we are flooding ourselves with information. And in those moments when you feel like you're being consumed by the news or by media or grief or fear, it's okay to give yourself permission to pause. And this isn't to bypass what's going on. It's not to ignore, it's not to pretend like everything is fine, but it's to regulate, to reconnect with yourself, to remind your nervous system that you are here right now in the present moment. You are alive. And that joy, even micro moments of joy, is allowed, regardless of everything that's going on in the world. That joy doesn't, it doesn't get rid of grief. It doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean that you're privileged or disconnected. It means that you're human and your system cannot stay in a contracted state 24 hours a day, seven days a week without consequences. So sometimes you have to be intentional about protecting your peace. Sometimes it's choosing to maybe step outside for five minutes. Sometimes it's turning off the news. Sometimes it's reaching out to a friend. Sometimes it's taking an extra few minutes to really enjoy the deliciousness and the pleasure of your food. Sometimes it's putting on a song and just shaking your ass for a few minutes to move your energy. Sometimes it's sitting in silence. And sometimes it's just allowing yourself to move through whatever it is that you're feeling. This is how we stay connected to ourselves. This is how we don't allow all of the things going on outside of us to take us over and consume us. There's a difference between processing something and marinating in it, between honoring your grief and living inside of it, between caring deeply and allowing yourself to drown in it. And if you're someone who feels deeply, which if you're here, you probably are. This matters. This is important. Your body needs recovery. Your nervous system needs that moment to take a deep breath in and just exhale. Your heart also needs a little bit of lightness. So let me ask you: when you feel like the world is heavy, what does your body need? Not philosophically, not logically, but somatically, like in your body. Does it need movement? Does it need sunlight? Connection? Laughter, touch, music, and connecting to what does that joy actually feel like in your body? Does it feel like ease? Does it feel like expansion? Does it feel tingly? What does it sound like? What does it look like? What does it smell like? When you tap into all of your senses, you are reconnecting yourself back to the present moment. And just in this moment, you can give yourself permission to allow some joy into this moment in your life when it's not readily present and available. Can you intentionally allow it? Sometimes we actually have to be really intentional about it. Like if I'm feeling heavy or I feel like I just need to move my body, I trust the wisdom of my body that it knows what it needs. Sometimes I ask myself, what do I need right now in this moment? Do I need to get up and shake my ass? Do I need to wiggle my body? Do I need to go scream into a pillow? What do I need? And I listen for my body to answer. I'm not asking you to force it. I'm not asking you to fake it. I'm inviting you to allow it in. Right now I'm going to invite you to close your eyes if that feels safe and comfortable to do so and take a deep breath in and release. And I have a few reflection questions for you. When I feel consumed by things outside of me, what happens in my body? What is one small way I can regulate and reconnect to the present moment today? What does a micro moment of joy feel like for me? And am I giving myself permission to experience it? Again, we're just noticing. If you notice that you don't have a lot of joy in your life, allow yourself to come up with ways that you can be intentional about creating it. We all deserve to have a little bit of joy in our life. Even if it's just a micro moment. All right, I'm gonna go ahead and pull a card from the Magic of What If Card Deck Volume 2. What if I allow myself to listen and feel my body talk? Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be sad. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to dance and laugh and allow ourselves to move through all of the emotions that we have. And tuning into what your body needs is really important because our bodies are always communicating with us. You are allowed to feel grief, you are allowed to care deeply, you are allowed to be moved by things that aren't directly yours, and you are also allowed to feel joy in the same week, in the same day, in the same hour. It doesn't diminish the things going on outside of you if you allow yourself a couple of minutes of joy in a day. What it does is it can reinvigorate you and also recharge you and positively impact how you're showing up in all of your relationships and how you're showing up in the world in your day. And that can also have a ripple effect as well. Allowing yourself moments of lightness doesn't mean you don't care about the world. It means that you care about your capacity to stay in it, and that matters. Take care of your body, take care of your heart, take care of your nervous system. Joy is not denial, it is a way to nourish your nervous system. Thank you for being here. Have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.