When Distraction Is Actually Avoidance (Ep #14 - Relationship Series)

Are you avoiding something without even realizing it?  Sometimes the real reason we procrastinate, stay busy, or reach for our phones isn’t about time at all - it’s about avoiding something uncomfortable.

In this episode of the Relationship Series, we explore the deeper question many of us don’t often stop to ask: What am I avoiding?

After last week’s conversation about our relationship with time, I share a moment of radical honesty after looking at my own phone usage statistics - and how that simple awareness opened the door to a much bigger insight.

Because sometimes the things we tell ourselves about time, productivity, or distraction aren’t actually about time at all.

They’re about fear.
 Discomfort.
 Uncertainty.
 Or a quiet inner knowing we may not be ready to face yet.

This episode explores how avoidance shows up in everyday life - through scrolling, staying busy, procrastination, or filling every moment with stimulation - and how curiosity can help us reconnect with ourselves instead of judging the pattern.

Avoidance isn’t a character flaw.  It’s often a signal.

And sometimes the very thing we’ve been avoiding is actually the doorway to the next step in our lives.

✨Reflection Questions✨

Take a few minutes after listening and sit with these questions:

1. Is there something in my life right now that I may be avoiding?
A decision, a conversation, a change, or even a feeling.

2. When something feels uncomfortable, how do I usually distract myself?
Do you stay busy, scroll on your phone, fill your schedule, or find other ways to avoid the discomfort?

3. What might happen if I approached the thing I’m avoiding with curiosity instead of judgment?

Sometimes the moment we become honest with ourselves is the moment something begins to shift.

Transcript

ime, Phones, And Honest Numbers

Shannon 0:00

Welcome or welcome back to the Peer Possibilities Podcast. I'm your host, Shannon. Last week we talked about our relationship with time and we explored questions like how are you spending your time, what actually gets prioritized in your life, and does the way that you're spending your time reflect what really matters to you and honestly, what you actually want to be doing. It was interesting after discussing that topic, it reminded me of a few conversations I've been having recently with a friend of mine about how revealing our relationship with time can actually be. We were talking about phones, and she was telling me that she started looking at the statistics on her phone, not just like in a casual way, but actually diving into all of the numbers, how many hours she was spending on her phone, which apps she used the most, and how often she was actually picking up her phone throughout the day. And she was telling me how incredibly eye-opening it had been. She set some limits on certain social media apps. And what surprised her the most was realizing how often she instinctively reached for her phone without even thinking about it, almost like it had become just automatic. And it was actually really funny because the first thought I had when she brought this, you know, because she was like, Oh, you should, you should take a look at your phone and see what it's actually telling you. And immediately I noticed that I justified my own phone usage in my mind. I thought, well, you know, my situation is a little bit different. I totally use my phone for work. I will often fall asleep listening to meditations on YouTube. And to be fair, that's partially true, but that conversation made me a little bit curious. Like this was actually a couple months ago that this conversation with her started. And then I kind of dismissed it. And then I recently went, okay, I need to take a look at this. And I looked at my own numbers and I was kind of surprised. Radical honesty can be very revealing. When I actually looked at how many hours I was spending on certain apps over the course of the day and the week, it was really fascinating. And not necessarily in a way that made me feel guilty about it, but in a way that made me curious. Because when you really start to look at your habits, honestly, you begin to notice something maybe a little bit deeper. Sometimes the things that we tell ourselves about time aren't actually about time. Sometimes they are about something else entirely. And that's what I want to talk about today. Because today's episode is something that most of us experience at one time or another. And that question, it also came up in last week's episode. What are you avoiding? Now, before we go any further, I want to be really clear about something. Avoidance is not a character flaw. It doesn't mean you're lazy. It doesn't mean that you lack discipline. And it certainly doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. When we are in avoidance, it's usually a signal to us about something. A signal that something feels uncomfortable. Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's uncertainty. Maybe it's a conversation that you've been putting off, or maybe it's a decision that you don't want to make, or maybe it's something within you that you're not quite ready to actually take a look at yet. And what we often do when something feels uncomfortable is we distract ourselves. And sometimes that distraction looks like scrolling on our phones. Sometimes, like we talked about last week, it's staying extremely busy. And sometimes you're watching TV or filling your moments with constant stimulation. And again, none of those are inherently bad, but they become interesting when we start asking ourselves this question. Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I'm avoiding something? Over the past year, my life has become a lot more spacious than it used to be. And interestingly enough, I've probably watched more television in the last year than I have in my entire life. And there are definitely times where that feels really good, when my body genuinely needs rest, when slowing down and relaxing is exactly what I need. But something that I've been actually practicing is checking in with myself. I will often pause and ask, is my body asking for rest right now? Or am I avoiding something that feels uncomfortable? Because my current path is genuinely uncomfortable a majority of the time. And so I really have to connect with myself and check in. Am I actually in avoidance? And sometimes the answer is that I really do need rest. And sometimes the answer is something else. Sometimes it's, oh, I've been procrastinating. And sometimes there's something I don't want to deal with. And sometimes it's really just, I'm feeling uncomfortable and I'd rather distract myself. It's about honesty because when you become honest with yourself about what's really happening, we really start to see patterns that have possibly developed. And you might notice when something important is on your mind, you suddenly feel the urge to check your phone or clean your house or reorganize something or start another project or scroll on social media. And again, that behavior itself isn't necessarily the problem. The interesting part is what's going on underneath. Because what we often call procrastination is actually fear, the fear of failing, the fear of succeeding. Maybe it's the fear of disappointing someone, fear of stepping into something new, the fear of making the wrong decision. That's a big one. I know that historically I haven't always trusted my decisions. And now I'm actually in a space where I know that regardless of whatever my decision is, I know that I will be okay regardless of the outcome. Even if the outcome isn't what I necessarily wanted or expected, I know that no matter what, deep inside, I'm good and I will be okay. Maybe I will have learned something, maybe it will have helped me grow. I know that I am okay. In those moments when we allow ourselves to get quiet, to truly be present with ourselves, that's when the truth starts to come up within you. And that's why so many of us have become very, very good at staying busy. Because when we slow down, we might hear something that we're trying not to hear. And that's when the curiosity becomes really powerful, not judgment, curiosity. Instead of asking, why am I like this? You can just ask yourself, what might I be avoiding right now? And then notice are there decisions that you've been putting off? Is there a conversation you've been avoiding? Is there something you've been telling yourself, you'll get to it later? Or is there a quiet inner knowing that something in your life actually wants to change? Sometimes our life will start whispering to us long before we're ready to listen. And when we don't listen to the whispers, life has a way of getting louder and trying to get our attention, which is something that we've talked about before on the show. But the beautiful thing about awareness is that once you see something, you can start making different choices. We're never talking about massive life-altering changes overnight. It's the small moments of honesty. Maybe it's pausing before you reach for your phone. Maybe it's finally starting something you've been putting off, maybe it's having that conversation that you're avoiding, or maybe simply sitting with yourself for a few quiet minutes without filling the space. Because sometimes the thing that we're avoiding is actually the doorway into the next step of our life. And sometimes the most powerful shift begins with a very simple question: what am I avoiding right now? So something really fascinating happened to me today. I got the weekly notification on my phone about my usage. And I reduced my phone usage by 25% this week. So I was really excited about that. And just the overall usage of certain apps and the number of times I even picked up my phone went down. So that was pretty cool. When you just take a moment to pause before you grab your phone, it can be pretty impactful and it can make some pretty big shifts with where you're allowing your time to go. It was it was quite fascinating. I just want you to know that I do practice the things that I talk about on here. Gotta practice what I preach. Okay. We're gonna dive into the reflection questions for the week. And if you want to take a moment now to reflect, or maybe after the episode, here are a few questions for you to sit with this week. Is there something in my life right now that I may be avoiding? A decision, a conversation, a change, or even a feeling. When something feels uncomfortable, how do I usually distract myself? Do you stay busy? Do you scroll on your phone? Do you fill your schedule? Just notice if there's a pattern. And then what might happen if I approached the thing I'm avoiding with curiosity instead of judgment? So again, if you want to take a few minutes after the episode, you might sit with those questions and just notice what comes up for you, not from a place of judgment, but from a place of curiosity. And I'll also post these in the show description as well for you to come back to. Sometimes the thing we're resisting is actually trying to guide us somewhere important. And that moment we become honest with ourselves is the moment that something begins to shift. All right. So if you're familiar with the show, you know that I'm going to pull a card from the Magic of What If deck. These cards are simply just invitations to open our mind a little bit wider and look at things from a more positive space of curiosity rather than a negative. Let's see what today's question is. I'm pulling from the Magic of What If card deck volume two. Today's card. What if I remember my breath is the mechanism to connect with my body? What if I remember my breath is the mechanism to connect with my body? Sometimes we don't really consider the fact that when you slow down for a moment and intentionally breathe, how regulating it can be for your nervous system, in addition to allowing you the opportunity to pause and notice how you're feeling in your body and reconnect with yourself. And it really just takes a couple of intentional breaths. I mean, clearly we breathe all the time, but when you slow it down and take a deep breath in and release, you do that a couple of times. It really can just recenter you. No matter what's going on around you, you can just stop and take that moment if you choose to. Anytime intentionally breathing is something that is always available to you and it allows you to reconnect with your body. Just take a moment to sit with that. Thank you so much for being here and being willing to explore these conversations with me. If this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with someone who could possibly use the reminder. And if you'd like to join the Pure Possibilities podcast community, the link is in the show description where we continue these conversations every week. And I go in there and do a live QA and we have discussions around the episode. I would love to have you join us completely free. It's a Facebook community. Until next time, just remember that most of the time the answers we're looking for aren't somewhere outside of us. They begin the moment that we pause long enough to be honest with ourselves. Have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.