Your Relationship With: What You Actually Want (Ep #16 Relationship Series)

What do you actually want - and why haven’t you chosen it yet?

In this episode, I’m inviting you into a deeper, more honest conversation about your relationship with what you truly want.  Because most of the time… it’s not that we don’t know.  It’s that the answer feels uncomfortable, inconvenient, or like it might change things.

I share how easy it is to get caught in momentum - continuing down a path simply because you started it -and why that can feel like alignment… even when it’s not.

 In This Episode, I Talk About:

•  Why momentum can feel like alignment (but isn’t always) 
•  The hidden truth behind “I don’t know what I want” 
•  How we override our inner knowing to stay comfortable 
•  The tension between desire and logic 
•  The role of identity in keeping you where you are 
•  Why it’s not just about what you want and the deeper question underneath it all: how good will you actually allow your life to get?

This episode is an invitation to pause, check in, and start being honest with yourself - without forcing, judging, or rushing the process.

✨ Reflection Questions✨

Take a moment to check in with yourself:

1. What do I feel drawn to right now, even if it doesn’t make logical sense?
2. Where am I telling myself “I don’t know”… when I actually do?
3. What would I choose if I allowed myself to have what I truly want?

When you’re honest about what you want… you give yourself the opportunity create and live your life with intention. 

Transcript

Welcome And A Quick Reset

Shannon 0:00

Welcome. You're listening to the Pure Possibilities Podcast. And I'm your host, Shannon. And today we're diving into what is your relationship with what you actually want? But before we get started, I wanted to chat about something really quick. So last week I sat down to record and I was feeling I normally sit at my desk to record and something felt really off for me. And I have this really fun circle chair that has this super cozy blanket on it. And I decided, what if I moved my whole setup over to there to record? And because something within me was not energetically feeling aligned. And so I just want to remind you today that a lot of times we know that something doesn't feel right. And we how that brings us to a space of choice. We can choose to shift it or we can choose to stay where we're at. In that moment, I chose to make a shift. And my energy shifted with it. And so just remember that you're always at choice. You're always at choice. What can you do in whatever moment to allow it to feel 5% better? So I am doing the same setup again this week, and I'm cozy. I have a blanket in my lap. I've got this cozy blanket around me. And I really like this space that I'm recording in so much better than I did before. And that is something that's really important. As we dive into what is your relationship with what you actually want, I mean, the question is: have you ever found yourself moving in a direction that doesn't feel aligned? You're making decisions, you're saying yes to things, and something at some point makes you stop and realize I don't know if I still want this. And it's not because it's necessarily wrong or it's bad, but because you didn't actually stop to check in. And that could be with just like where you are energetically, a project that you're working on, a direction your life is going, but actually pausing and stopping to check in with yourself. And I believe that this happens a lot more often than we realize. We start something, we commit to something, we start going down a path, and it starts to build momentum. And then we just keep going because that's what it felt like we were supposed to be doing. And we started down this path, and so we have to stay there without pausing to ask, do I actually still want this? And what's really interesting about this is that when you are in the momentum of something, it can feel a lot like alignment. But just because something is moving forward or it's moving in general, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's right or right for you now. Just because you've been going down a certain path, it doesn't mean that you're meant to continue it forever. Just because you said yes once doesn't mean it's still like a full body yes for you now, where you're at in this moment. I mean, we're all constantly evolving and changing, right? And so it's important to pause and check in. But most of the time we don't question it because it's easier to just continue than it is to stop and reassess and actually check in. Is this still what I truly want? And people are always saying, I don't know what I want. I don't know, I just don't know. And I know that you hear me say this a lot because it is so true. The moment that you, I would actually invite you to any time that you say, I don't know, check in with yourself. Because it's not that you don't know, because we always know, we always know what we want. It's about whether or not we're actually willing to be open to admitting what that is and that it might actually be different than the path that we've been going down. But when you slow down and really sit with that, there's usually something there because the I don't know is just an easier way to suppress actually being honest with yourself. So when you feel or say, I don't know, there's something underneath that. And it might not make sense to you in the moment, but there's like this pull within you, a leaning in, a curiosity. And instead of following that curiosity and leaning into it, we will often override it because it doesn't fit what the plan was, because it might disappoint someone, because it might change things. Something in your life might have to shift when you actually sit with what it is that you actually know. We all have a deep inner knowing. And so again, I invite you to when you automatically, because it tends to be an automatic response, when you automatically say, I don't know, pause and ask yourself, if I did know, what would the answer be? You know, a lot of this can look like you're staying in something longer than you want to. Maybe you're just continuing down a path because you've already invested so much time into it. Maybe you're not exploring something new because it doesn't make sense. Are you saying yes out of habit instead of desire? This could be friendships, it could be jobs, it could be relationships, partnerships, or maybe you've had the desire to start something, to shift something, to stop something, and you just haven't done it yet. And it's not because you don't know, it's because you haven't allowed yourself permission to choose it. And this is where the logic comes in because our mind is very good at keeping things safe. It's gonna say things like, This doesn't make sense, this isn't practical, why would you do that? What if it doesn't work? And those thoughts feel real, but they are not always the truth. Sometimes, most of the time, they're protection because anytime we do something that's unfamiliar, it stretches us out of our comfort zone. And then our body is responding to that. And so sometimes the things that you're meant to explore aren't necessarily going to make sense to your logical mind right away. You feel them in your body. You feel that moment where you're like, this doesn't feel good for me anymore. I don't like the path that I'm on. But then the idea of making that change feels scary in your body. And there's also an identity piece here. It's not just about what you want, it's about whether it fits the version of you that you've been. If you've always been super reliable, responsible, always doing, you know, what's right, wanting something different than what society expects of you, or your family and friends expect of you, or even this version of you that you've created in your mind, when you have that sense and that inner knowing that something that it doesn't feel good for you anymore, and you want something to be different, it feels uncomfortable, even if it's what you truly want. And the next thing that I want to talk about is this goes even deeper because when you do know what you want, there's a question underneath that. Will I actually let myself have it? Because sometimes it's not about the clarity, it's about the capacity. Like, how good am I willing to allow it to be your capacity for more ease, more peace, more joy, more love, more fun, more alignment, more fulfillment. All of that can feel really unfamiliar. And so instead of moving toward it, we hold ourselves just slightly back, not intentionally, but unconsciously, because we are continually living in our past habits, feelings, patterns, emotions, unless you are intentionally shifting those things. It's all deeply rooted in your subconscious. And so sometimes we have like this upper limit inside of us that we believe that it can only get so good. It couldn't get better than this. Like, how could I allow my life to be this amazingly beautiful, fun thing that I actually truly enjoy? And I'm not just living on autopilot all the time. And you might notice this as like you get to that edge where you start going for something and then you stop, and you start to get really close to maybe making that change, and then you pull back because it feels safer in your body, because making a change is going to feel really scary because it's unknown. You start something and then you don't finish it. And it's not because you're incapable, it's because part of you is adjusting to that new level of you that is coming up to the surface. And so I want to be really clear here. This isn't about forcing yourself into action. It's always about honesty and whether you're being honest with yourself and what you actually truly desire. I remember there being a point where I was taking a class or something and they kept saying, Well, what do you want? What do you want? And I kept saying, I don't know, I don't know. And like they wanted me, there was uh, you know, the intention was to design your life and like be really specific about what it is that you actually want. And I was like, gosh, I don't know. And so for me to get really specific about all the details, that's not something that comes easy for me. I actually lean in towards how do I want to feel? I want to feel peace and joy and love and ease and passion and pleasure. Those are the feelings that I want to have. And so that's why I'm continually listening to my body and how it's talking to me, because I lean in to the things that feel good, because it is important to care about how you feel, because caring about how you feel impacts how you show up in your life. And maybe for you, you can sit down and figure out exactly, you know, I want to be able to travel to this place. I want my relationship to look like this. Maybe the way that you create or intentionally create your life is you look at specifics. I want it to go this way, this way, this way, this way. And again, I lean into the feeling, passion, love, joy, pleasure. I want to have clear communication with people. I want to have authentic relationships. I like these are things. And so when they don't feel aligned for me in my body because I get the ick, then I know that I want to get curious about it and take a look at it and decide what might need to shift to help me feel better within my body and whatever my direction is going. So we're not forcing ourselves into action, we're being honest. And at some point, you do have to acknowledge that, like, I know something is here, even if it's small, even if it's unclear, even if it's inconvenient, even if it doesn't make sense to your logical mind, that's where you want to get curious about it. And again, you know, I say this all the time. This is your life. And I know that we don't want to disappoint people in our lives, we don't want to create waves. It can feel scary to shift things in our life. But you're here right now. And so you're never too old. It's never too late. While you're still here, you can do the things that you want to do, even when they feel scary. So let's go ahead and take a moment to check in. And we're gonna go through the reflection questions, and they will be posted in the show description. So you can come back if you don't have the time or space right now and you'd like to maybe spend a little more time with it. But if it feels safe and comfortable, go ahead and close your eyes or soften your gaze and take a slow deep breath in and release question number one: what do I feel drawn to right now, even if it doesn't make logical sense? It can be a path, it can be a direction, it could be a relationship, it could be a hobby. Number two, where am I telling myself I don't know when I actually do that deep inner knowing? And number three, what would I choose if I allowed myself to have what I truly want? Just allow yourself to sit with those. And again, before you get into the overthinking it, close your eyes, take a breath, and allow whatever the message is to come through. And as I always say, like your intuition and that inner knowing is calm and loving and peaceful and often surprising. It's not always gonna make sense to your logical mind. But again, you don't have to do anything with it in this moment. However, if there's something within you that knows that you're not feeling like you're in alignment with the path that you're headed down, you're gonna know. Okay, we're gonna go ahead and pull a card from the magic of what if card deck volume two this week. All right, today's card. What if I consistently choose love over fear? Oh my gosh, this is so perfect. Because what is it that you actually want? You want to choose from a space of love, not fear. Fear stops us, and we are the ones that put those limits on ourselves. What would you love? What would you love your life to look like? What would you love your life to feel like? Not what everybody else thinks, but truly deep in your heart and your soul and in your being, because you can create the life that actually feels good for you, not just the way it, you know, a lot of times people's lives look really amazing and incredible on the outside, but when they actually check in with themselves, just because it looks good on the outside doesn't mean it feels good. And so that's where getting clear with what you actually want and choosing love, love for yourself, just choosing from a place of love rather than fear, because that fear will stop you from creating a life that you actually enjoy. And you get to decide, you get to decide the life that you want to live. And just because you've been heading down a certain path doesn't mean that that has to be the way your life is going to continue until the end of what until you take your last breath. We're all at choice, always. Always, always, always. We are always at choice. And I just invite you to start paying attention, start noticing where are you moving through your life automatically on autopilot? Are you going down a path that you had made a decision and so you've been going this way, but now it no longer feels good to you in your body? Because our life is shaped by the daily decisions, the small moments, those build and build and build. And those decisions that you make on a daily basis, those choices that you make, that's what creates your life. And so even if there's one small thing that you want to be different, when you're clear and honest with yourself about what you actually want, and again, I invite you to choose by how you want to feel, because your body is always guiding you. Your body is always guiding you about what feels good and what doesn't, whether it's the people you're surrounding yourself with, your career that you're at, the partnership that you're in, the friendships that you're in, like what feels good. And I'm not saying you just automatically walk away from all of those things, but allow yourself to be honest with yourself to get curious about what you actually want, not what your partner wants, not what your family wants, not what your employer wants, not what everybody else wants for you in your life. What do you actually want? What do you desire? What would feel good for you? Because we always get to choose. The most powerful thing that you can do is simply be honest with yourself about what you truly want. And then you take one small step toward creating that. Thank you so much for being here. Have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.