I'll Be Happy When... (Ep #24 Relationship Series)

How often have you found yourself saying: "I'll be happy when..."

When life settles down.  When work isn't so busy.  When you have more time.
More money.  When you finally heal.  When they apologize.  When you get closure.  When life feels normal again.

In this week's Relationship Series episode, we're exploring the ways we unknowingly put our lives on hold while waiting for circumstances to change. After six weeks of being non-weight bearing following reconstructive foot surgery, I share how my own healing journey became a powerful reminder that life continues happening while we're waiting.

What if the thing you're actually waiting for isn't the circumstance at all?

What if you're waiting for a feeling?   

✨Reflection Questions✨

1.  What part of my life am I putting on hold while I wait for something to change? 
2.  What does happiness actually mean to me? 
3.  Am I looking for something outside of myself to change before I allow myself to feel the way I want to feel? 

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear it.

You can also leave me a text message or voice memo using the link at the top of the show description. Your question or topic may become a future episode of the podcast!  I'd love to know your... "I'll be happy when..."

Transcript

The Phrase That Puts Life On Hold

Shannon 0:00

Welcome or welcome back. You're listening to the Pure Possibilities Podcast, and I'm your host, Shannon. Today I want to start with a sentence that I think many of us have probably said at one point or another. I'll be happy when maybe you've even thought it recently. You could have possibly said it to yourself this morning. I'll be happy when life settles down, when work isn't so busy, when I have more time, more money, when I lose weight, when I find love, when my kids get older, when I retire, when they apologize, when I get closure from whatever situation happened, when I finally heal. And your I'll be happy when might not even be on that list. So just take a moment. How would you finish this sentence? I'll be happy when. Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting those things. There is nothing wrong with wanting healing, love, peace, financial security, more time. We all feel like we could use more time or easier circumstances, but something that I've noticed is that many of us unknowingly put our lives on hold while we're waiting. And this topic has honestly been very real

Recovery Story And Early Progress

Shannon 1:20

for me over the past several weeks. As many of you know, I recently had reconstructive foot surgery. And so I've been on a little knee scooter, scooting my way around, and I've spent the last five weeks completely non-weight bearing. Haven't been able to walk, haven't been able to do many of the things that normally bring me joy. And over these past several weeks, I definitely had to catch myself. I'll be happy when life feels normal again. And there are absolutely things that I'm looking forward to. I cannot wait to walk outside or drive myself somewhere without needing someone else to take me. But today I had my follow-up appointment. And because I have been so incredibly diligent with prioritizing my recovery, I was actually cleared to begin weight bearing ahead of schedule, which is freaking amazing. And I am beyond thrilled. So a few weeks ago, you may remember that I recorded an episode called Trusting What You Cannot Yet See. And I was fully leaning into trusting that the healing was happening the entire time, even when I couldn't see it, because you can't see your bone healing. You can't see the nerves repairing themselves, you can't see what's happening underneath the surface. Had to lean into trusting that the progress was actually happening and that my body has the wisdom to know exactly what it needed to do.

Find Happiness While You Wait

Shannon 3:10

And if I had spent the last six weeks postponing my happiness until today, I would have missed six weeks of my life. But I intentionally chose to seek out other ways to find happiness because our life keeps happening while we're waiting. Time keeps moving, it doesn't stop, the seasons change, the years pass. And I think that sometimes we become so focused on the thing that we're waiting for that we forget that we're living right now, that our happiness is somewhere out there in the future. Gosh, do you ever catch yourself saying, I don't have enough time? And certainly there are seasons and chapters in our lives where time feels incredibly limited. But sometimes it isn't actually the time that we're waiting for. Sometimes we're waiting for life to settle down, for the circumstances to change, for more certainty, for permission, permission to choose ourselves, permission to finally begin,

Define What Happiness Means To You

Shannon 4:20

permission to want something different. And while we're waiting, our life continues to happen. And so a question to ask yourself is whose permission am I waiting for? Because the only person's permission that you actually need is your own. So what are you actually looking for? Sometimes when we say that we want something, what we're actually looking for is the feeling. Maybe more money feels like freedom. Maybe the relationship feels like love or connection. Maybe retirement feels like peace. Maybe success feels like confidence or fulfillment. So I would actually like to ask you, what does happiness actually mean to you? Because if we don't know what happiness means to us, we can spend years and years or even our entire life chasing circumstances, hoping and praying that they'll create a feeling that we've never really defined. So what does happiness mean to you? Is it peace? Is it joy? Is it connection? Safety, love, fulfillment? Because what if some of those feelings already exist in the small moments throughout your life? And if they don't already exist in your life currently, is it possible for you to cultivate those feelings now before you have the thing that you're seeking?

Stop Handing Others Your Power

Shannon 5:49

One thing that comes up quite a bit in relationships is I'll finally feel better when that person apologizes to me, when they understand where I'm coming from, when they change a certain behavior, when they finally take responsibility for their actions and their contribution to whatever happened in the relationship. And while all of those things may be wonderful, they're completely outside of our control. One of the biggest realizations I've had over the last several years is that I absolutely want people in my life to contribute to my happiness. And I also don't want them to be solely responsible for it. And I certainly don't want to be completely responsible for someone else's happiness either. That's a lot of pressure for us to put on one another. Our relationships matter. Connection matters. And honestly, connection is one of the core desires we have as humans. And people absolutely impact our lives. But when we hand someone else the key to our peace, our joy, our worthiness, or our happiness, we also hand away our power. And quite often when we do that, we don't even realize that we're doing it. And so that's another thing to take note of. Are you finding that you are dependent on someone else doing something? When they finally do this, then I'm going to be happy. Because when we outsource that, it's honestly a recipe for disaster. Because I know I've talked about this before, but you know, what if what if your friend or your partner or whoever is just they're having a bad day and they don't text you or they don't return your phone call or they don't do whatever it is that you're expecting them to do that you feel like when they do that, that's going to make me happy? Then you're constantly waiting on other people for your own happiness. So the next time you find yourself saying, I'll be happy when, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, what feeling am I actually looking for? What feeling am I seeking? And is there one small way I can begin creating a little more of that feeling right now rather than waiting for something outside of me to shift, to change, to feel the way that I want to feel?

Reflection Questions To Journal On

Shannon 8:21

Let's go ahead and move into the reflection questions. They will also be posted in the show description in case you aren't able to sit with these in this particular moment. Invite you to take a deep breath in and release. Question number one, what part of my life am I putting on hold while I wait for something to change? Number two, what does happiness actually mean to me? And number three, am I looking for something outside of myself to change before I allow myself to feel the way I want to feel? All right, we are gonna go ahead and pull a card from the Magic of What If Card deck, volume two. The decks are available on my website, purepossibilitiespodcast.com. I'm gonna pull from deck two today. And we will see what the energy is for today's episode. All right. Today's card. Oh my gosh, this is freaking hilarious! This is the second time today that I have pulled this card. What if I allow myself to relax into the present moment?

Relax Into The Present Moment

Shannon 9:38

I mean, it totally goes with everything we're talking about here. We're not waiting for the future, we're not waiting for things to change, we're not dwelling in the past. You are right here, right now. Enjoy this moment that you have because you will never have this exact moment ever again. So, what if I allow myself to relax into the present moment and know that everything will work out exactly as it's meant to? That is beautiful. All

Share Your Story And Closing

Shannon 10:14

right. Before we wrap up today's episode, if today's conversation brought something up for you, I'd love to hear from you. At the top of the show description, you'll find a link where you can send me a text or even leave me a beautiful voicemail. If there's a question you'd like me to answer, a topic you love to hear discussed on the show, or something that's been on your heart, please send it my way. It could even be your I'll be happy when. This is a one-way conversation, though, so I can't respond directly there, but your question may become part of a future episode. And if this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with a friend, a family member, or someone who might need to hear it. The show continues to grow because of you sharing these conversations, and I appreciate every single one of you for being here. The people in your life can absolutely contribute to your happiness. Your circumstances can absolutely influence how you feel, but they don't have to determine whether you allow yourself moments of peace, joy, connection, love, or fulfillment. And the next time you find yourself saying or thinking, I'll be happy when, I would like to invite you to pause for a moment and ask yourself, am I looking for something outside of me to change before I allow myself to feel the way I want to feel? Because maybe the circumstance isn't the only thing that needs your attention. Maybe we need to become curious about the feeling itself. What does happiness mean to me? Where does it already exist in my life? And if I wanted a little more of it, what could I do today to create that? Because the time is passing anyway. And don't put your life on hold waiting for things outside of you to change to cultivate and create your own happiness. Take your power back and begin to create more of the feelings you're looking for right here, right now. You have that power. You have that choice. When you shift your inside, it absolutely shifts your outside. Thank you so much for being here. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.