What If It’s Possible for You Too? (Ep #32 Relationship Series)

Have you ever looked at someone else’s life and thought, Of course they can do that... but I could never do it?

We can believe change is possible. We can see people starting over, changing careers, creating relationships, building businesses, breaking old patterns, and doing completely new things at 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond.

But believing something is possible in the world and believing it’s possible for you are two very different things.

In this episode, we’re exploring what happens when comparison turns into lack, jealousy, resentment, or the belief that someone else is simply luckier, more confident, more gifted, or has something you don’t. What if instead of using someone else’s life as evidence of what you’re missing, you allowed it to expand your awareness of what might be possible?

We also get into the stories we create about other people when we only see the outcome, how fear and limiting beliefs can influence what we think is possible, and what happens when the people who love us project their own fears onto the choices we’re making.

Because being connected to yourself doesn’t mean ignoring other people’s advice. It means being open to what they have to say without handing them the authority to decide what’s possible for you.

And if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re too old, it’s too late, you’ve been this way for too long, or you simply don’t know how, this conversation is for you.

This week’s practice: Notice where possibility shows up and where you immediately shut it down. When you catch yourself thinking, That’s possible for them, but not for me, pause and ask:

What if this is showing me what’s possible?

And what might you allow yourself to consider if you believed it could be possible for you too?

Transcript

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Possibility As A Daily Practice

Shannon 0:00

You're listening to the Pure Possibilities podcast, and I'm your host, Shannon. I have been thinking a lot this week about possibility, which obviously is not exactly a new topic for me. The podcast is literally called Pure Possibilities, and I created an entire deck called The Magic of What Ifs. Possibility is kind of my thing. But last week, during the episode when I was recording, I pulled the card What If I Love Knowing Anything Is Possible. So one thing that I do love is that anytime I pull a card, it opens up my mind and my thoughts to various possibilities. And it often is in alignment with whatever the topic is that I'm talking about or whatever the interaction is that I'm currently in in that moment. And also it just kind of floats out there into the universe. And so this week, possibilities kept coming up. But something came up for me this week that isn't something that I normally talk about.

Possible In Theory Not For Me

Shannon 1:02

The difference between believing something is possible and believing it's possible for you. Because I think most of us can look around and find evidence that people change their lives all the time. People start over, they fall in and out of love, they change their careers, they start businesses, they heal their relationships, they create new relationships, people move across the country, they learn something totally new, change their patterns that they've had for years. And it feels like these days people are doing things at 40, 50, 60, or 70 years old that they've never done before. Maybe I'm just more aware because I'm in that age range now. So intellectually, we know that change is possible, but then we look at our own lives and suddenly things shift. We start down the yeah, but path. Yeah, but I'm too old. Yeah, but it's too late. Yeah, but I've been this way for too long. And yeah, but I don't know how. I don't have what they have. They got lucky, they're more confident than I am. They have more money, they have more support, they're farther ahead, they're just different. And also, like, who the hell am I to do that? And suddenly something can be completely possible out in the world for everybody else and somehow still feel impossible for us. And honestly, I've run into that a lot with coaching over the years. It happened when I was a health coach, when I was on my health journey, people didn't necessarily believe that it was possible for them to create a healthy lifestyle for themselves to maintain their weight loss. I've also had it happen in my own personal growth journey over the years. People will say to me, Well, you're able to do it, but I don't think that I can. I don't think that that's possible for me. And while I know that I'm pretty resilient, I also believe that things are possible for other people too when they choose to make a choice.

Comparison Without The Spiral

Shannon 3:09

And I think comparison plays a really interesting role here because we get into a comparison mindset and sometimes like imposter syndrome. And when we get into comparing with other people, it can absolutely lead us into feeling a sense of lack. We look at what somebody else has and immediately notice what we don't have. And it can create resentment and jealousy. Sometimes it makes you feel like you're behind everybody else. Why is it working for them and it won't work for me? Why do they get to have that? When is it gonna be my turn? How come I don't get to do it yet? But what if we got curious about comparison? And instead of automatically using it as something to make us feel bad and use it against ourselves? What if the thing that you're noticing in somebody else's life is showing you something about what you desire? What if instead of their life being evidence of what you're missing, you could allow it to open you up and expand your awareness of what's possible? What if their success doesn't have to diminish yours? What if somebody else having a relationship, the career, the opportunity, the confidence, the adventure, whatever it is, it doesn't mean that there's less available for you. What if instead of immediately putting them on a pedestal and deciding that somehow they're different than you, they're better than you, they're more gifted than you? You got curious instead and reflected it back and said, What is this showing me? What about this am I drawn to? What about this person am I drawn to? What about this thing that they have that I don't have? What is it that's pulling me in? Is there something here that I want, that I desire? And can I allow myself to want it without immediately building a case for why I can't have it and coming up with all the reasons why it's not possible? I think we pedestalize people sometimes without even realizing that we're doing it. And as I mentioned earlier, we can have all kinds of beliefs about why something was possible for somebody else. But most of the time, we don't actually know what it took for them to get to where they are. We see where they are now. We also see on like social media how it looks like people's lives are. We see the relationships, we see the career, their business, their confidence, their accomplishment, whatever it is that we're looking at, but we don't see the fear they moved through. We don't necessarily see the times that they wanted to quit, that they were so frustrated. We don't see the things that didn't work for them, the risks that they took, the support that they needed along the way, or even the mistakes that they made, or the years that it took for them to get to where they are. We see the end result, we see the outcome. And then sometimes, like with many things, we create a story about why it was easier or more possible for them. And when we do that, I think we accidentally separate ourselves from possibility because instead of allowing their experience to expand what we believe might be possible, we explain why their circumstances, their abilities, or who they are make it possible for them, but not for us. And what if we don't actually know that? What if we're comparing our entire experience to a tiny piece of theirs that we can see because we don't know. We're just making up

The Story We Invent About Others

Shannon 6:46

a story. I think this is really important to talk about because believing something is possible doesn't mean that you're guaranteed a particular outcome because we don't control every circumstance that happens. We don't have the ability to control other people. There are very real differences in resources and opportunities, responsibilities, and life circumstances. This isn't about pretending that those things don't exist. And it isn't about deciding that if you believe hard enough, everything you want is magically going to show up exactly the way you pictured it. Because let's be real, usually the universe, our higher power, has a greater plan for us than we can ever possibly imagine. And so a lot of times things don't turn out the way we want, desire, or expect. A lot of times they turn out even more magnificent than that. But this is about noticing when you have made the decision and you decided the answer is no, before you even allowed yourself to explore the possibility.

Holding Your Vision Through Doubt

Shannon 7:46

And the other part of that is am I willing to take the aligned steps towards what I want? Something that has come up for me a lot during my journey, especially over the last year and a half, is that sometimes believing in what's possible for yourself requires you to continue believing, even when the people around you don't quite see what your vision is yet, or if what you're actually wanting to do or create or be hasn't fully come into um, it hasn't fully come into existence yet. I'm not sure if that's the word I'm looking for. Believing in it before it's fully materialized. And that can be hard, especially when you love those people, when you respect their opinions, when you know what they're saying is coming from a place of love. Because not every opinion that challenges you is malicious or has a negative intent behind it. Someone can genuinely care about you and still be afraid for you. They may want to protect you from disappointment. They may see risk where you're seeing possibility. They may suggest the safer choice because they don't want to watch you get hurt. And there's also the other side of it where what you're doing might also be bringing something up in them. What you're doing might be something that they would never do. Maybe you're taking a risk that they would never take. Maybe you're questioning something that they've never questioned before. Maybe watching you choose differently brings up some of their own fears, their own beliefs, their own regrets, their own ideas about what is and isn't possible. And sometimes that gets projected onto you. That doesn't mean we stop listening to other people. It doesn't mean nobody understands me. So screw them. We've already had that conversation. Other people matter and you matter too. There can be incredible wisdom in the perspectives of people who love us. Someone else may be seeing something that we're not seeing. They may ask a question that we haven't considered, or they might even have an experience or information that we don't have. But being connected to yourself doesn't mean being close to feedback. I think it's about being able to be open to receiving what they're saying and then coming back to yourself and checking in. What do I think? What am I noticing in my body? What does my heart say? Is there something in what they said that I need to consider? Does this feel like useful information? Or am I absorbing someone else's fear and turning it into my own? Because ultimately, they're not the person who has to live your life. You are. And that connects so beautifully to what we've been talking about over the last few weeks about you being the foundation of all of your relationships. You are present for all of it. And having a supportive relationship with yourself doesn't mean you always know the answer. It absolutely doesn't mean that you're never afraid. And it doesn't mean you never ask anybody for advice. It doesn't mean being so committed to what your original plan is that you absolutely refuse to change direction when something isn't working. What it means is that you don't automatically abandon what you know, what you want, or what you believe is possible simply because somebody else can't see it yet. You can listen, you can consider, you can get curious, and you can also give yourself permission to change your mind. And you can return back to yourself, but you don't want to hand over your authority to someone else and allow them to make the decision. So be open to the conversation and also check in with yourself and make the choice that feels best for you. One

Self Trust Without Ignoring Feedback

Shannon 11:38

of the hardest parts of creating something different or doing something different isn't necessarily figuring out exactly how to do it. It's staying connected to the possibility long enough to find out, especially when you've lived a certain way for a long time. If something has been true for you for 20, 30, 40 years, it's very easy to assume that it will be true for the next 20. I've always been this way. I've never been able to do this. But how long something has been true is not necessarily evidence that it has to remain true forever.

Breaking Identity And Age Stories

Shannon 12:11

And sometimes we turn those patterns into our identity without even realizing that we're doing it. I'm just someone who does whatever. I'm not the kind of person who I've never, I always, I used to have people say to me, Oh, Shannon would never do that. And I took that on within my own identity and I believed them. And now I don't do that anymore. But those are important things to pay attention to because are you describing something that is fundamentally who you are at your core? Or are you describing something that has been familiar, something that you've practiced, something that you've believed for so long? It has become part of who you are, because those aren't necessarily the same thing. And then there's age. This can be a big thing for people. We can start going down the path of am I too old to do something different? Did I miss my opportunity? Shouldn't I have this all figured out by now? What's taking me so long? Is it too late to start over, to have a relationship, to change my career, to learn something new, to create the thing, to become a different version of myself? And sometimes too late is another way that we allow possibility to get shut down before we even get curious about it or investigate it. And again, that doesn't mean every possibility is available in exactly the same way at every stage in our life, but there's a massive difference between acknowledging reality and deciding your life is already over, it's already been written. You're still here. Your life is still happening. There are still choices you haven't made, people you haven't met yet, things you haven't learned, experiences you haven't had the opportunity to have yet, parts of yourself that you haven't even discovered. You don't know everything that's possible from here. None of us do. And I think that's pretty freaking amazing. Because what if you love knowing that anything is possible? I mean, I intend to be around for I'm 51 now. I would love to be around for another 40 years. That's a long time. So starting something new in my 50s, it's kind of exciting. So the question isn't just, is change possible? Maybe it's, do I believe something different could be possible for me? And if I were to ask you that question, do you believe that something different could be possible for you? And your immediate answer is no, get curious with yourself and ask why. Is that actually true? Or have I just been collecting and gathering evidence for the limitations while putting everybody else who has done something different into the category of they're different than me, they're better than me, they have it all figured out, it's just easier for them. I would beg to argue that it's probably not necessarily easier for them because we don't know. We don't know what people have been through. I mean, I can even say that people will often say to me, you make that look so easy, whether it's when I'm teaching or coaching or doing a workshop or doing the podcast or speaking publicly now. Whereas I've had to work really hard at that. I have had to face a lot of fears. I've had to work through a lot of limiting beliefs within myself. And sometimes I think people can present a certain way and still have it be difficult, still have the fears, still have the things coming up for them. But you might not necessarily recognize it because you just think it's easy for them. I also believe that sometimes when you're the person that takes the step, you're also opening up the idea and the different possibilities for other people. Sometimes somebody has to go first, right?

A Simple Practice To Crack Doors

Shannon 15:59

So this week, I think our practice can be really simple. I would like to invite you to notice where you encounter possibility. Maybe it's something that you see somebody else doing. Maybe somebody tells you about something that they've created. Maybe you hear a story, maybe you notice a little spark of jealousy or resentment or longing for something. Maybe you catch yourself saying, Oh my gosh, I wish I could, blank. Instead of immediately moving into why you can't, pause, notice what's coming up for you in your mind and in your body, reconnect with yourself and ask, what if this is showing me what's possible? And then maybe what would I allow myself to consider if I believed it could be possible for me to? You don't have to know the how, you don't have to be making a big plan, you don't have to run out and quit your job tomorrow, sell your house, move across the country, end your relationship, start the business, or do anything super dramatic. Just notice where you stopped allowing possibility and get curious about what happens if you just crack the door open just a little bit. You open yourself up just a little bit, doesn't have to be swung wide open, just put a little crack in the door. What if there's a possibility?

Card Pull Open Your Heart

Shannon 17:14

All right, we are gonna go ahead and pull a card from the magic of what if card deck. I think we're gonna do volume two today. Do a little shuffle here. All right, the card pull for today. What if I allow myself to open my heart? Oh, I love that. That gave me warm fuzzies inside. What if I allow myself to open my heart? Sometimes we close it down. We're afraid of getting hurt, so we don't open our heart up to friendships or relationships because we we put this armor around us to protect us. But what if what if I allow myself to open my heart? There's truly a beautiful message underneath that. What if I allow myself to open my heart? It feels good even saying it. All right.

Closing Reminders On Possibility

Shannon 18:09

As we wrap things up for today, I would love to just invite you to get curious and remember that maybe somebody else's life and what's happening in their life, what you perceive to be going well for them, what if that doesn't need to be evidence of what you lack? Maybe it can remind you that there are possibilities that you haven't experienced yet. Maybe being older doesn't automatically mean being too old. Maybe having done something one way for a very long time doesn't mean that that's the only way that you can do it. Maybe someone else's fear doesn't have to become yours. Maybe you can listen to the people you love without giving them the final decision and the authority to decide what's possible for you. And maybe you don't need to know exactly how something will happen before you're willing to believe that something different could be possible. So this week, pay attention to where a possibility shows up. Pay attention to what expands you, what opens you up, what brings a spark of curiosity to you. Pay attention to what you're immediately shutting down and dismissing, and especially pay attention to those moments when you think that's possible for them, but not for me. What if it is? Have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.