What If Money Is a Relationship Too? (Ep #34 Relationship Series)

What if the way you experience money has less to do with money itself and more to do with the relationship you've built with it?

In this episode, we're getting curious about our relationship with money: the beliefs and generational patterns we may have learned growing up, what we've decided having money means about us, how comfortable we actually are receiving it, and the energy we bring to spending, paying bills, and watching money leave our accounts.

I’m also sharing a few real-life stories that might make you question some of your own money beliefs, along with a simple way to intentionally cultivate a more supportive relationship with your money through regular “money dates.”

This isn't about pretending financial stress isn't real or believing that positive thoughts will magically make money appear. It's about awareness, curiosity, and noticing the stories and patterns that may be influencing your relationship with money without you even realizing it. 

✨This week's reflection questions✨

• What did I learn about money growing up, and what do I still believe today because of it?
 • If money were a person, how would I describe my relationship with it right now?
 • What would it look like to intentionally cultivate a more supportive and loving relationship with money?

What if money is a relationship too? And what if you started cultivating that relationship intentionally? 💜

Transcript

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Why Money Is A Relationship

Shannon 0:33

You're listening to the Pure Possibilities podcast, and I'm your host, Shannon. We are 34 episodes into this relationship series, which honestly makes me laugh because when I started the series, I definitely did not think that we'd still be talking about relationships 34 episodes later. But apparently everything really is a relationship. And there's one relationship that I've known we've needed to talk about for quite a while now. And it's money. Money, money, money, money, money. Because whether you love talking about money, hate talking about money, avoid talking about money, wish you had more of it, worry about losing it, love spending it, hate spending it, you, my friend, have a relationship with money. And I think that's an interesting way to look at it because we usually think about money in terms of how much we have, how much is coming in, how much is going out, whether there's enough, what something costs. But what if we stop for a minute and asked, what is my actual relationship with money? And before we continue to go down this path, I would invite you to get curious with yourself and notice what feelings are coming up in your body as we have this conversation and noticing if even the topic itself is activating for you, if you're curious about where I'm gonna go with this topic and your relationship with money, and just notice how your body's responding. If you find that it's activating for you, I would invite you to pause and maybe take a deep breath and connect with yourself. And I would invite you to be open to wherever this conversation leads. So, what is your actual relationship with money? How do you feel when you think about it? How does your body respond when you look at your bank account? How do you feel when money's coming in? How do you feel when it's going out? Do you enjoy money? Do you trust it? Do you avoid it? Do you feel like you're constantly chasing it? And where in the hell did you learn all of this from?

Noticing Your Body Around Money

Shannon 2:46

Because just like so many of the other relationships that we've explored throughout the series, we didn't develop our relationship with money out of thin air. It came from somewhere. We've learned it. A lot of that learning happened long before we were actually responsible for earning or managing the money ourselves. I can remember sitting with my dad when I was little and helping him write out checks to pay the bills. It was something that I actually really enjoyed. I didn't get to see my dad a lot because he worked during a majority of the day and it was time that we got to spend together. And for anyone that's younger that's listening, there was a time when we actually would sit down, write out individual checks for all of our bills, put them in an envelope, put a stamp on it, walk it out to the mailbox, and flip up a little flag, and the mailman would come and pick it up and take it away. But I very fondly remember doing that with him. And I don't remember having one specific conversation where somebody sat me down and said, Shannon, this is what you're supposed to believe about money. That's not usually how this works. It was the undertone that came with it. Things are expensive. There's never quite enough. We need to be careful. Our family didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up. And money is something that we needed to worry about. And as kids, we're absorbing all of that. It was actually kind of ironic because, you know, you hear people say money doesn't grow on trees. Yet my family, my grandpa, used to give my sister and I money trees for our birthdays. So as a

Childhood Lessons And Money Stories

Shannon 4:28

kid, that was kind of a conflicting belief, right? Money doesn't grow on trees. And also, here's a money tree for your birthday. And it would have $1 bills attached to it for however old we were turning. So as kids, we're absorbing all of this information and we're watching how the adults around us respond when a bill arrives, when there's something to pay for. We're listening to those conversations happening at the dinner table. We notice because kids notice pretty much everything. We notice whether money creates tension in our family and in our household, whether it's talked about openly or never talked about at all, whether having money feels safe or somehow it feels wrong. And then we grow up and we carry some of those beliefs and patterns forward without ever consciously deciding whether or not we actually believe it. And that's where the generational patterns around money become really interesting because what did your parents learn from their parents? And what did their parents learn? Maybe money wasn't really available. Maybe there were periods of significant financial hardship. Maybe there was a belief that you had to work incredibly hard for every single dollar that you earned. And then those experiences become beliefs, and those beliefs influence our behaviors. And then those behaviors get modeled for the next generation until somebody stops and asks, wait, do I actually believe this? And I'm not saying every money belief is some enormous generational wound that we now need to spend the next 10 years healing, but I do think that it's worth getting curious about where some of those beliefs come from. Because we can be living inside a money story that we never consciously chose. And something actually came up during our monthly collective membership call today when we were talking about beliefs. We were talking about money and the belief

Generational Beliefs And Moral Judgments

Shannon 6:29

that people who have a lot of money can be perceived as greedy or selfish or even evil. And I shared a belief that I hold, which is that money can make you more of who you already are. And so if you're someone who is generous and cares deeply about other people, what could you do if you had more money? Who could you help? What could you contribute? What causes could you support? And I think that that's an area where we can get curious about the evidence we're collecting, either for or against something. If I believe that wealthy people are greedy or selfish, I can absolutely find evidence in the world to support that belief. But can I also find evidence of wealthy people who are incredibly generous and doing really beautiful things with their money? Absolutely. So, what have I decided money says about a person? Because if somewhere inside of me I believe that having a lot of money makes someone greedy, selfish, or a bad person, how safe would it actually feel for me to become someone who has a lot of money? Ask yourself that. What do you believe having money says about a person? I also had a client one time who had a really interesting breakthrough around this. We were talking about money and she started talking about actual cash. And she was describing it as dirty and gross. Cash has been passed around, people have touched it, it's nasty, it's disgusting. And I remember asking her something along the lines of if money repulses you, why would you expect it to want to come into your experience? And it was one of those holy shit moments because consciously, of course, she wanted to have money, but taking a look at the relationship she was describing with it, you're disgusting, you're dirty, I don't want to touch you. And also, please come into my life. And I'm not suggesting that dollar bills have feelings and are sitting around somewhere going, well, Shannon doesn't appreciate me, so I'm gonna go to Jennifer's house instead. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm interested in is our relationship with it. If something creates disgust in your body, what happens when you're asked to receive it? If money creates fear, what happens every time you have to interact with it? If you associate money with greed or selfishness, what happens when you start wanting more of it? If having more money somehow conflicts with the kind of person you believe yourself to be, how might that show up in your choices? These are the things that I want to get curious about. I also know someone who would receive checks in the mail and just not cash them. They would stack up. And there was one point where we were talking, and I,

Receiving Blocks And Pushing Money Away

Shannon 9:32

because I found it fascinating, because we can consciously say, I want more money, and then when the money literally arrives, we don't allow ourselves to receive it. And so I actually made a comment to this person and they said, You have money, you've received money, and it's sitting there almost like you're saying, I don't want it, or I'm not allowing myself to receive it. And obviously, there can be practical reasons why somebody doesn't immediately deposit a check. That's not the point. The interesting question is, what is happening in my relationship with receiving? Am I actually available for the thing that I say that I want? Because receiving is also part of our relationship with money too. And I think sometimes we're so focused on earning more money that we don't necessarily pay attention to how we feel when we actually receive it or when we spend it or when we give it. Which brings me to another part of this that I think is really important: the energy that we bring to money. Think about when you're paying your bills. Maybe you sit down and immediately you're irritated. Oh my gosh, everything is so expensive. There goes all my money, another frickin' bill. And listen, bills are frustrating or can be. Sometimes things are ridiculously expensive. And when there genuinely isn't enough money to cover what needs to be covered, that can absolutely be a real source of stress. I'm not asking you to pretend otherwise. This isn't about looking at a bill that you can't afford and saying, oh my gosh, I'm so abundant, everything's amazing while you're freaking out inside.

Bills As An Energetic Exchange

Shannon 11:09

That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about noticing the energy we're repeatedly bringing into our relationship with money. Because what if paying a bill could also be viewed as an exchange? I'm paying my electric bill because I've had electricity in my home. I'm paying for my phone because I use it every freaking day. I'm paying someone for a service because they provided something that supported me in some way. The money isn't just disappearing. There was an exchange. There was an energetic exchange that happened. And so what happens if we begin bringing a little more intention into that exchange? Maybe instead of ugh, there goes another $200, there's also room for I'm so grateful that I have the ability to pay for this today. Same transaction, different experience in your body, different energy around the exchange. And again, I'm not saying that your attitude about your electric bill is magically going to cause another $500 to appear in your bank account tomorrow. What I'm saying is, what kind of relationship do you want to cultivate with money? Because if every transaction you have with money is filled with fear, resentment, avoidance, guilt, or frustration, that's the relationship that you're experiencing over and over again, not just mentally, but also physically in your body. And I think one of the simplest ways we can begin shifting that relationship is to actually spend some intentional time with our money, have a money date. And I know that may sound incredibly unsexy to some of you, but seriously, schedule the time, be intentional with it. Don't wait until there's a financial emergency and suddenly you have to look at everything. Put it on your calendar. Maybe you light a candle, put on some music that feels good, make yourself something that you enjoy drinking. Like, what could you do to create an environment that feels loving and supportive of the relationship that you want to build with your money? Make it intentional. And if you share finances with a partner, maybe you could do it together, not sitting across from each other like you're in the middle of an audit from the IRS, but make it intentional because you're

The Money Date And Practical Changes

Shannon 13:29

tending to a relationship. You're cultivating it, you're building it, you're nurturing it. Look at what's coming in, look at what's going out, look at what you've spent your money on, look at what your money has allowed you to experience. Maybe there's some things you want to change. I know that I've personally gone through and taken a look at several areas where my money is going. And I've made a lot of changes with things that I don't necessarily need anymore, things that aren't supportive of the life that I'm currently living. And that has been helpful to really tap into where is my money going? I just called a TV provider today and was going to cancel my plan with them because I don't actually utilize the service as much. I was going to tap into another option. And they offered me like a $40 discount because they didn't want me to cancel my service that I've had with them for 13 years. Sometimes you can just look at where is my money going and being honest with yourself about where is it going and is there a way to reallocate it? Or you could call and negotiate with certain providers and see what you can do. So maybe there's things that you want to change. Maybe you have a budget that you stick really closely to, or maybe there's something that you've been avoiding that needs your attention. Maybe you notice that you're spending money somewhere that doesn't actually reflect what matters to you anymore. And you don't have to shame yourself about any of it. You become present with it because it's really hard to cultivate a supportive relationship with something that you're unwilling to look at. And avoidance can sometimes feel protective. If I don't look at my bank account, I don't have to feel anxious about what's in there or what's not in there. But not looking doesn't change what's either in there or not in there. It just disconnects you from the relationship that you have with your money. And that comes right back to everything that we've been talking about through the entire

Ending Avoidance With Presence

Shannon 15:29

series: awareness and presence, curiosity instead of judgment. What happens when I stop shaming, guilting, berating myself for my relationship with money and start becoming curious about it? And there's an energetic piece that you want to play with too here. For example, when I pull out my debit card and I'm going to purchase something, I connect with my body. I mean, this happens in a matter of moments, just seconds. And I put myself into a happier space, a more peaceful space. I think of something that is grounding and beautiful, like the ocean that makes me feel good. And then it shifts the energetic connection that I have with spending that money. When you're paying a bill, notice the story that's running through your mind about it. Are you grateful for whatever it is that you received because of what you're spending your money on? When the money comes in, are you allowing yourself to actually receive it when it's payday? Are you so thankful for the paycheck that you just received? And maybe just take a second and appreciate it. Not because you're trying to check off your gratitude list so that the universe rewards you with more money, but because you're intentionally changing the way you experience the relationship. What would it feel like to treat money with respect rather than fear? What would it feel like to believe that wanting more money doesn't automatically say anything negative about who you are? It doesn't make you a bad person because money itself isn't inherently good or bad. It's what we do with it, it's what we make it mean, it's the relationship that we've built around it. Before we move into this week's reflection questions, I'm gonna go ahead and pull a card from the magic of what if card deck. We're gonna do, we're gonna do volume one today.

Shifting Energy While Spending

Shannon 17:32

Let's see what today's message is. What if I easily expand my capacity to receive? That ties into today's conversation about money. What if I easily expand my capacity to receive? Okay, so I want to leave you with three questions this week. The first one is what did I learn about money growing up? And what do I still believe today because of it? Not just what somebody explicitly taught you. What did you observe? What did you feel? What did money seem to mean in your family? Number two, if money were a person, how would I describe my relationship with it right now? Would you say that you're close, avoidant, distrustful, controlling, grateful, resentful? Don't judge your answer. Just notice it. And then finally, what would it look like to intentionally cultivate a more supportive and loving relationship with money? Maybe that means creating a money date. Maybe it's once a month, maybe it's once a week. Maybe it's simply looking at your accounts more regularly, noticing the way you speak about your money, allowing yourself to receive without immediately pushing it away. You get to decide what that looks like for you because your current relationship with money isn't who you are. It doesn't define who you are. Some of it may have been learned, some of it may have been passed down. But once we have the awareness that there is a story, there is a money story running through your mind. Maybe it's scarcity, there's never enough. Some of it

Reflection Questions And Closing

Shannon 19:18

may have been developed through experiences that you've had along the way and throughout your life. And if the relationship was learned, we can become curious about whether we want to continue relating to it in exactly the same way as we always have. Because a belief is a thought that you continue having.